Eclipse
by Masami Aomame
Summary: The sun is still there. This darkness, only momentary. (Historical AU)
1. Can You Hear My Heart?

**_Please enjoy this fic the way you feel comfortable. I write out of my love for SasuSaku and I deliberately post them on a free platform. You don't OWE me any follows/favourites/reviews. I'm very thankful you even gave my fic a chance, I hope you enjoy it._**

* * *

Sakura has been staring at the colourful artwork for a while.

By now, she has memorised every single detail of the very intricate painting. To an extent that if asked, she can recreate it on a blank sheet of paper at any given moment. Not that she did it deliberately. But a period of three years is more than enough to observe an artwork. Especially when one has way too much time to spare.

Suddenly, fragments of memories from her wedding night flash into her mind. The first time she had set foot inside this room. And she recalls with a hint of amazement that this painting was the first thing she had taken notice of back then.

That's hardly a surprise.

The artwork adorning the entire wooden wall faces the door. And it's so elaborate and vibrant, it stands in stark contrast to the otherwise monotonous background of this room. Anyone is bound to notice it the first thing as they step in here.

She didn't tie her hair tonight. So, a stray lock suddenly falls upon her face. She tucks it behind her ear and that is when she notices a small speck of black ink on the pale pink skin of her index finger.

_How did I miss it?_

Slowly, she gets up from the bed and heads towards the bathroom. Her footsteps light against the mat carpeting the hardwood floor.

_I should have written the letter earlier. It wasn't wise leaving it for today_.

But before today, she didn't want to bring it up. Because doing so would've meant that she had finally acknowledged this was truly happening. And she didn't want to.

She wasn't ready.

And she isn't ready yet.

But matters like that aren't of any significance. Things happen when they happen, not bothering about who is prepared and who isn't.

Sakura sighs as she washes the ink away.

When she finally returns to the bedroom, she finds her husband there. Laying his sword on the wooden table beside the bed. A routine he repeats every single night.

_Always a warrior._

Always on alert.

Even in his sleep, he cannot let his guards down. Deep down inside, Sakura feels a little sorry for him. Not that she'll ever manage to tell him that. Not that she has ever managed to tell him anything.

Suddenly, Sasuke takes notice of her. He turns around.

She is clad in a thin white robe, the collars parted a little more than necessary. Offering a view of the pale skin below her collarbones, between her small breasts.

_Why do you assume that her breasts are small?_

_Of course they are._

Everything about her is. She is so petite. Almost making him scared that he might break her if he isn't careful.

_Don't be disrespectful;_ he reprimands himself.

_But should it be considered disrespectful if it's my own wife I'm looking at?_

He cannot find an answer. So, he stops trying. Instead, he looks up to admire her face.

She possess an inherent aesthetic appeal that never fails to bemuse him. The light from the lamps is reflecting on her green orbs, making them shine even brighter. Her small nose, plump pink lips and thin pink brows, her placid countenance.

_Is she even human?_

He notices that her hair isn't tied tonight. He wonders why. She always ties her hair into a loose braid before going to bed.

But he is thankful she didn't today. She looks ethereal like this. The pink locks framing her small face, spilling all over her shoulders and chest.

"My lord," Sakura speaks in a soft voice, capturing his attention, "Are you ready for bed?"

He stares at her for a while.

_Is this how you have decided to treat it?_

By pretending that it isn't even happening? By pretending that it's just another night when they fall asleep by each other's side on the same bed?

_Are you putting on an act purposefully or do you really not care?_

_Whatever, _he sighs;_ as you wish._

"Yes," he replies in his usual deep voice, seemingly devoid of any emotion.

.

.

.

As Sasuke lies on the bed intending to fall asleep, his eyes shut tight, he feels someone's eyes upon him. And he knows very well who that someone is.

He opens his eyes to find Sakura staring. Her face a little too close.

In the dim light of the single lamp that's still burning in the bedchamber, he sees her eyes going wide. Clearly caught off-guard. And then he notices a shade of pink dusting her cheeks. She immediately casts her gaze down.

He takes this time to study her vividly. Committing every small detail to his memory. His conscience screams at the back of his mind. Reminding him about respect and disrespect. But he decides that tonight for once, he simply doesn't care.

_This is my last chance._

His eyes find her collarbones. And suddenly he feels the urge to touch it.

He himself is left bewildered by his line of thoughts.

_That's disrespectful!_

But he reasons with himself.

_She is my wife. There's nothing disrespectful about it_.

Not yet.

So, he allows his eyes to travel downwards. He finds that the flaps of her collar are still apart. And since she is lying down now, her arms are squeezing her breasts together, making a cleavage appear between them.

Sakura follows his line of sight. As she figures out what his gaze is fixed upon, she finds herself very unsure of what the right course of action is.

He is her husband. There's nothing wrong about it. But, he has never spared her a glance in the three years of their married life.

_So, why now all of a sudden?_

Uncertain, she stays still. Waiting for his next move.

Slowly, Sasuke's eyes return to her face. He sees emerald green staring at him. He holds her gaze.

A few moments pass before he notices a loose strand of pink hair falling upon her face. And before he knows it, his right hand is at work. Gently tucking it behind her ear. The sudden contact startles Sakura. She gasps and looks at him wide-eyed.

Sasuke notes the difference in contrast to their wedding night.

He had turned around after shutting the door, to find her standing there, waiting for him. Looking downwards, hands clenching at the light green silk robe she had been dressed in for her special night.

She was visibly shaking. And he knew why. To her, he was a complete stranger. She had only seen him for the very first time during their wedding ceremony earlier that day. They were yet to share any words.

But she was also prepared for whatever was to come. He could read it in her body language. He knew that if he demanded, she'd give herself to him regardless of how much she detested it.

But tonight, as he searches her eyes, he can no longer find that fear there. She's confused, but not scared.

He wonders if she'll let him tonight.

_But what good can it possibly bring?_

But tonight, she's still his wife. And tonight is the last time he'd be sharing a bed with her.

So, he decides to takes the chance. His last chance.

He brings his face closer to hers. His movements painfully measured, studying her reactions for the minutest hint of discomfort. But to his delight, he cannot find any.

She stares at him, unsure of what to do.

_What is his intention? He has never acted like this before._

Then, she feels something soft brushing against her lips very gently. It takes her a few moments to process it. And by the time she does, he has already removed his lips and is looking straight into her eyes. His nose almost touching hers. And she sees a hint of pink adorning his cheeks.

_Did he just kiss me?_

She blinks a few times.

_Is this a dream?_

She wants to make sure. So, she reaches her hand out. Very slowly, as if in a state of a dream, and touches him. As her fingertips brush lightly against his cheek, she figures that this indeed is the reality.

_It's not a dream._

And suddenly she doesn't know how to behave. But she removes her hand instantly.

However, to her bewilderment, before she can move it away completely, Sasuke catches it. Nothing forceful, he simply entraps her much smaller hand in his larger, rougher one and gently brings it closer to his lips. He looks at her long, slender fingers for a while. And Sakura's heart keeps beating violently. Sasuke places soft kisses against the tips of her perfect fingers.

Now that Sakura is well aware that they are still residing within the realm of reality, she suddenly feels extremely shy. Her cheeks go deep red. To Sasuke's amusement. She didn't react at all when he kissed her lips, but now, she's acting all embarrassed.

He smirks.

However, Sakura doesn't get to see it; she has long moved her gaze away.

Suddenly, she feels a soft tug at her arm. The one that has been captured by her husband. So, she dares to cast her gaze back at him once again. The confusion overpowering the nervousness and embarrassment.

Sasuke pulls her closer to him. Very softly, very slowly. Stopping every other moment to verify if there's any hint of reluctance in her. But she exhibits none.

Finally, he has her exactly where he wants her. Almost pressed against his chest, her breaths fanning his face, her nose lightly brushing against his, her warmth seeping into his body through the thin barriers of their night robes.

They look into each other's eyes. Sakura can see a reflection of herself in his dark, bottomless orbs.

_That's me in his eyes._

_Does he think I'm beautiful?_

Because of the unexpected turn of events, her brain has lost its ability to think rationally. So, she forgets to remember why it suddenly became so important.

"Sakura-"

She shivers at the way he utters her name. Deep voice mixed with something else, an emotion she cannot quite pin down. Nevertheless, it awakens something in her.

This is the first time he has ever called her by her name. They have always been addressing each other formally. Moreover, they haven't exchanged many words during the not so short time span of their marriage.

"Will you let me touch you for tonight?"

Her eyes go wide in surprise. Is he really asking what she thinks he is asking? Is he really? Or is it just some huge misunderstanding on her part?

"As your husband?"

With that, flies away the last shred of confusion. His question is very straightforward. He has made clear what he wants. And he is letting _her _decide.

She is confused. Should she consent?

_Isn't this something you have wanted for a long time?_

_It is._

_Then why are you hesitating? Now that he is asking, why aren't you just accepting his proposal and give yourself to him?_

_Because… Because…_

_I don't know which one is more painful. Never getting to know what it feels like to be held by the man you love? Or getting to experience it for once only to be torn apart from him for the rest of your life?_

_Which one is worse? How do I decide?_

But here she is, in the arms of her husband, his skin warm against hers, his eyes looking at her exactly the way she has always dreamt they would someday.

The temptation is too strong.

_You don't have an eternity. Decide._

Sasuke is still hoping for an answer. With a completely foreign nervousness brewing inside his brain.

This isn't something he had planned beforehand. This wasn't on his mind when he stepped inside their bedchamber tonight. Not even when they went to bed together. But somehow, the events that followed managed to awaken something in him. A primal instinct. And right now, he is painfully aware that this is his last chance.

_Not really, I have been aware for a while. It's just that I finally figured out its true implications._

So, he is determined. Until and unless Sakura turns him away, he won't let go.

Not tonight.

By now, Sakura has made her choice.

_Between regretting making a mistake and regretting having the chance and not taking it, I think the first one is less painful._

_At least, I'll have the memories of this single night. Memories are valuable assets. They can last a lifetime._

"I will."

Sasuke notices the change in her demeanour. All of a sudden, all the blatant uncertainty that she was displaying is completely gone. Instead, there's a flicker in her jade eyes.

She moves her face closer and this time, it's her who connects their lips. It takes Sasuke off-guard. So, he needs a few moments before he can finally return the kiss.

It's a mess. Of two sets of inexperienced lips and teeth. None of them know how to do it, but both are equally eager. Driven by something very carnal; an invisible clock ticking and reminding them that every single moment is precious.

When their mouths part, both are panting heavily.

Sakura touches Sasuke's forehead with hers. Her fingers find their way into his dark locks.

"Please," Sakura sounds breathless, "Tonight I want to know what it feels like to be your wife."

Her raspy voice sends a current through every single cell of Sasuke's body.

"You will," he barely manages to speak before he decides to assault her lips once again.

.

.

.

As he watches her, trapped underneath him, chest rising and falling rapidly, lips swollen from the fiery kisses earlier, he feels a pang of pain.

_Tonight is all I've got. I have to convey it all to her. I must. If I don't, I won't get another chance._

He's never been good with words. And he didn't really care. He assumed he had sufficient time. The rest of their lives. But unforeseen events took place and here he is.

Sakura sees his lips descending once again. But astonishing her, this time it's not her lips they fall upon. It's her collarbones. As she feels his warm lips upon the sensitive skin of her neck, she draws in a breath, surprised.

_Is this really happening?_

Her husband, the great leader of the Uchiha clan, the ruthless warrior Uchiha Sasuke, is he really doing this to her? Everything seems to get foggy inside her brain.

Sasuke feels her desperate breaths blowing into his untamed hair. He hears the loud and frantic beating of her heart against her ribs. He feels her small form shuddering under him as his lips trace the delicate area on her beautiful long neck.

As surreal as it seems, this is real. All of it. Her breaths are proof. Her beating heart is proof. Her trembling figure is proof.

She is here with him at the moment. So, he decides to forget about the morrow. He decides to forget about everything else but this ethereal woman. The woman he vowed to spend the rest of his life with.

_My wife._

Maybe no longer from tomorrow. But right here, right now, she is rightfully his. And that's all that matters to him.

He lifts his face to get lost into the green depths of her eyes once again.

"M-my lord?" she speaks, her voice suddenly a little uncertain.

"Sasuke," he speaks; with a certain authoritativeness in his tone.

As Sakura understands the implication of his word, her big eyes go even bigger in surprise.

_Am I really not dreaming?_

"Say it," he demands.

She still hesitates. This level of intimacy, this is what she has always desired. But all of it in just one night, it feels way too much. Her brain seems unable to accept it all just yet.

"Say my name, Sakura," he sounds impatient this time.

"Sa-su-ke?" she speaks, half like asking a question. Pausing after every syllable just to make sure she isn't doing anything wrong.

"Not like that," his eyes bore into her, "Say it like you mean it."

_Like it is the name of the person you love._

_Even if it's not._

_I don't care if you don't love me. Just pretend that you do. For tonight._

_I have never hurt you. I have never treated you harshly. Maybe I don't qualify as the best husband. But I definitely don't deserve to be titled as the worst one either._

_So, please._

_If you have allowed me to have your body, then at least let me believe that I have your heart too. Even if it's a lie. Because otherwise, it will make me a horrible person. A monster. And I don't want to be one outside the battlefield._

"Sasuke?" she says it again. This time, more confidently.

"Yes. Like that," and with that he captures her lips in a passionate deep kiss once again.

She wishes she could read people's minds. She wants to know what's going on inside his head right now.

_Why are you doing this?_

_You never showed any indication of wanting to be intimate with me. Not once._

_So, why today?_

_Is it because I will be leaving you? Is it just because you don't want to let go of me without knowing what it feels like to be with me?_

_Or… Can I be a little bolder and assume that you are doing this because you feel something for me?_

.

.

.

As Sasuke lies on the bed, their naked bodies pressed together, arms and legs entwined, the rational side of his brain starts hammering at his conscience.

_Was it wise?_

Having been shouldering the responsibility of an entire clan since a young age, that is the first question he has become habituated to asking all the time; regardless of the situation.

And this is no exception.

_What was the point of consummating a marriage tonight when you're going to annul it tomorrow?_

Maybe none. Maybe it was indeed a stupid mistake. But he decides not to regret it.

For once, he decides to let his emotions prevail.

_In spite of what role I play and how heavy the burden of my responsibilities is, I am still a human. I have the right to behave like one sometimes._

So, he decides not to worry about it now.

_I will face tomorrow when it comes. Right now, she is still here. And I want to cherish these moments. I won't let worries of the future invade this bliss of the present._

He wraps his arm around her narrow shoulder. Pressing her head closer to his chest.

_Can you hear the beats of my heart?_

_You are the reason they're_ _acting wild like that. Do you even realise that?_

She's already fallen into a slumber. He places a soft kiss on the top of her head. The strands of her hair tickling his nose, her scent invading his senses. There's the fragrance of some oil. But there's also something that he can identify as exclusively hers. Slowly, he drifts off to sleep. Holding her tightly against his chest, as if determined to not let her go.

.

.

.

Sakura opens her eyes when Sasuke's breathing deepens. He has finally fallen asleep.

She stares at him.

His perfect face: sharp nose and jawlines, thin lips and brows, his jet black hair that is all messed up because of their earlier ventures. She takes it all in. Painting a perfect picture in her mind.

She sees the red marks left by her nails on his shoulders. She traces them gently with her fingers.

_Does it hurt?_

She recalls how careful he had been to not hurt her. He was inexperienced. Something she had always hoped for but wasn't very confident about. And he was trying his best to make it pleasurable for her. As if, he cared more about her preferences than his own.

"A ruthless warrior, he makes weapons come alive with his unmatched combat skills. A man without a heart. He has made it evident that if there is one man who can single-handedly restore the ancient clan to its former glory, it's him. That too, only at the age of nineteen. It's about time we come up with something to mend our relationship with the Uchiha."

That was what she had heard about him from her mother.

"He is a man who cannot be tamed by anyone or anything. And right now, we disgracefully lack the strength to stand up against him. Therefore, forming a treaty with him is the only choice we are left with. And it has been decided that as a token of our allegiance, we will offer him your hand in marriage."

She realised what she was about to become. A hostage. To ensure that the Harunos do not dare to wield weapons against the Uchihas ever again.

"Bear him children. As many as you can," her mother had instructed her with a stern look on her face.

_But isn't a child supposed to be the fruit of an amorous union? How do you make a child with someone you not only don't love but also fear more than the god of death himself? How do you share your body with someone you don't share your soul with?_

"He might be dreadfully cold-hearted, but even wild beasts harbour tenderness towards their offsprings. As the years pass, maybe he will start to soften up to you. If not out of love, then out of gratitude for providing him with heirs. And if the starts to put some value in you, that would prove to be beneficial for the Haruno clan."

She had wanted to cry and scream, to protest, to complain about the unfairness of it all. But she was already well aware of its futility.

"Do not complain. It's the duty you shoulder as the daughter of the clan leader. You are not the first woman who has to go through this. Neither will you be the last one."

Her wedding was grandiose.

She had been dressed in an extravagant deep blue robe that kissed the ground. Its long, loose sleeves concealed her hands completely. It was decorated with exquisite patterns of fine gold threads and held in its place with a golden belt around her waist. Sitting loosely on top of it was a jacket. Dark crimson in colour, with a high collar and devoid of any sleeves. On its back, the symbol of the Haruno clan was sewn with the finest quality gold threads. Her long pink hair was tied into a very complicated hairdo consisting of braids and buns. Perched on top of it was a huge and heavy gold coronet decorated with red and blue gemstones. Her red shoes were made of hardwood and decorated with golden patterns. The entire ensemble had made it impracticable for her to move.

She finally got to see her fated partner during the ceremony. A cruelly handsome face with very aristocratic features but completely devoid of any expression. He stood tall beside her in the ancient temple as the old priestess wed them. He never spared her a glance even as he took his vows to cherish and protect her for the rest of his life.

He was clad in a dark blue robe lacking any embellishments; just held in its place by a black satin belt decorated with silver patterns. His jacket was raven black in colour and on its back, sewn in silver threads was the emblem of the Uchiha clan.

During the ceremony, another similar jacket, just much smaller in size was brought forth and the customs required for him to put it on her. He placed it around her shoulders perfunctorily; not caring to go through the trouble of actually making her sleeves pass through the assigned openings. She figured that this marriage was barely a marriage to him. It was just a political treaty.

But she could not blame him. She knew that most people present at the ceremony shared his sentiments regarding their union. She was most likely the only one who was optimistic. Political or not, a marriage was still a marriage. And to her, it did hold some significance.

That night, when the maids led her to her new bedroom and left her there, she was feeling like a deer caught in a trap. She wanted to run away and never turn back. But she could not. Upon her actions relied the fate of her entire clan.

"Every girl does it, do not act like the world is being especially cruel to you and you only. Consider yourself fortunate that at the least your husband is of the same age as you and according to legends, strikingly handsome."

Yes, that definitely was supposed to help her feel at ease. When you know that someone is coming to rob you, the knowledge that he is aesthetically pleasing is a great source of comfort.

But she had no other way out. Therefore, as much as it scared her, she had still prepared herself.

She waited for her new husband, perched on the corner of the bed. Secretly praying to the gods that her wait may never end.

The soft silk robe she had been dressed in, she hated it. It was too smooth against her skin, clearly designed to be taken off easily without much hindrance. She hated the knots on the belts. They were tied to get undone with one single draw of the loose end. She considered untying them and then tying again; as tightly as she could. So that no one can undo them ever. She hated the way they had done her hair. Held upon her head with just a single pin. One tug at it and it will all come off. She hated the scented oils they had put on her body and her hair. She hated the half-lit room that created a sensual atmosphere. She hated the bed decorated with petals of red roses. She hated everything.

But more than anyone or anything, she hated the man she was waiting for.

Then, all her hopes came crumbling down when she heard footsteps on the other side of the door. And the wooden door finally opened.

She felt like her heart was about to leap out of her chest. She swallowed hard to muffle the sob that was threatening to erupt. Slowly, she stood up as he turned around to shut the door. Waiting to obey his commands regardless of how much she wanted to rebel.

Finally, he turned to face her. She didn't look up at him. By then, she was shaking terribly, clutching at the silk robe tightly. All the words of bravery she had been muttering to herself to prepare for this impending moment of calamity, seemed to disappear into thin air.

As she stood there in front of him, her mouth going dry, she heard him sigh. And then, he spoke in a deep detached voice, "Go to bed."

She looked up at him. Blinking hard to make the tears go away. Then, she followed his order and walked towards the bed. Her steps as small as possible to delay the process.

As she was finally on the bed and preparing to lie down, he stopped her. "That side is mine," he indicated towards the other side with his right hand, "This is your side."

She stared at him for a while. His side? Her side? It took her some time to absorb the information. But as she did, she slowly moved to her side of the bed.

"Can you put out that lamp?"

He indicated towards the green glass lamp sitting on top of the wooden table by her side. She complied silently.

He walked around to the table on the other side and did the same with the lamp sitting there.

The only remaining source of illumination was a smaller lamp made of red glass. Burning in a niche on the wooden wall next to the bathroom door.

She braced herself for what was to come. She heard the rustling of clothes and then, felt someone's weight upon the soft mattress. She squeezed her eyes shut, telling herself to do just as he asks and be done with it.

A few moments passed without anything happening. She opened her eyes only to find him already lying on his spot. She swallowed a few times before slowly lying down, facing him. But he had already shut his eyes and drifted off to sleep without even uttering another word.

It wasn't just that night, three years since then, and he never made any indication towards wanting to consummate their union. In the end, she concluded that maybe he did not find her desirable enough.

_Why did he lay with me today?_

Although she has no justifiable answers, she feels a certain warmth, a certain sense of fulfillment in the depths of heart. Maybe it was just a frivolous action on his part, but to her, it meant the world.

_I could not ask for a better parting gift. Even though it's briefly before my departure, I am glad I got to become your wife in the truest sense._

She figures that she needs to hurry up. She has already lost a good amount of time because of the unexpected events of the night.

She takes a look at him one last time. She remembers his face from earlier, with a tinge of redness marring her cheeks. He had looked so carnal, so desperate, so full of lust, all for her. He had looked so masculine, uttering her name in a voice that sent goosebumps all through her body. And right now, there he is, sleeping peacefully like an innocent little child.

She cannot help a small chuckle.

She places a very soft kiss on the tip of his nose, careful not to wake him up and breathes in his familiar scent.

_This will be the last time._

Then, with the utmost care, she releases herself from his hold. She climbs out of the bed with a tinge of discomfort in her nether regions and picks up her discarded robe from the ground. As she puts it back on, tying the belt, she studies his face in the dying light of the lamp.

After she is done, she walks to the painted wall and slides open a door to enter the next room. The one she has been using as her study for a while.

She appears a few moments later with two rolls of paper and walks over to Sasuke's side of the bed. She places them on the table beside his sword and stares at his sleeping form for a while.

"I love you," she murmurs softly as if in a whisper; "That is why I cannot stand the idea of being abandoned by you."

She sighs.

_I must leave. I'm getting late._

As she shuts the door, she continues staring at his sleeping back till the very last moment.

She steps out on the wooden hallway. She sees the moon shining brightly, bathing the garden in a soothing silvery light. Granting it the appearance of an unknown magical land from some mythical tale.

_Good for me. The journey will be easier._

She descends onto the garden from the hallway and starts walking cautiously. As she reaches her destination, she climbs back onto the hallway once again. Taking a few steps, she reaches a closed door and then, very softly, hits the wooden surface with the knuckles of her two fingers.

* * *

**Note:** Chapter name is from **_Can You Hear My Heart_** by _**Epik High Ft. Lee Hi**._

I want to keep this story culturally ambiguous. So I'm using inspirations from different cultures and mixing them up with my imagination when I feel like it.

So, I started another multi-chapter fic when I already have two ongoing. But I was bound to write this sooner or later since historical stories are my life. Especially political arranged marriage fics are just beyond everything (proclaiming my extra love for _The Uchiha's Wife_ and _Sunrise_).

Please point out my typing errors.

Love,

June ❤️

[10.05.2019]


	2. What A Sad Beautiful Tragic Love Affair

The door parts slightly, revealing the face of a woman with the characteristic features of the Uchiha clan. Smooth pale skin, deep black eyes, a sharp nose and thin lips. Her long black hair is tied into a braid. A few loose strands are falling carelessly upon her ivory face like strokes of black ink on a white paper.

"Is everything ready?" Sakura's voice is nothing more than a whisper.

"Yes."

A satisfied smile plays on the rose haired woman's lips and she steps inside the room. The door shuts once again.

.

.

.

"Is Naoki here?" Sakura asks the other woman in a low voice as the door opens once again. She steps outside onto the hallway. This time clad in a maid's clothes, pink hair cut short to barely reach her shoulders and concealed under a hood, a small folded fabric bag in her hand.

"Yes, I heard the whistle a while ago."

"Good," Sakura smiles again. She is smiling in plenty tonight. Maybe a little too much for someone who's leaving her life behind to traverse the path of uncertainty. But things turned out much better than she could ever pray for.

"Thank you, Naoko. I cannot imagine what I would do without your help."

"Please don't say that, my lady," the other woman protests, "I am the one who is indebted to you for what you did for my brother."

"How many times do I have to tell you? I knew the cure to that snake's poison. And I did not have any other task at hand. It would have been utterly heartless of me to let him die. I would blame myself for the rest of my life if I allowed that to happen."

Naoko stares at her, unable to come up with a reply.

"I think I should leave now," with muffled footsteps, Sakura makes her way into the garden. Naoko follows a step behind her.

"The weather seemed so pleasant just moments ago. Where did the clouds come from?" as Sakura lifts her face to gaze at the sky, the hood falls to her back, revealing her pink tresses. And at the same time, a thick could covers the moon, abruptly painting the night with a shade of blackness. The wind blows through the trees. The two women stand in silence among the rustling of leaves.

"I have an ominous feeling about it," Naoko's voice is tainted with fear as she speaks up. "As if something bad is about to happen."

"Isn't it happening already?"

It is. This is the moment she has dreaded for days. She prayed to all the gods to make time stop. So that this day never comes. And she doesn't have to leave his side. But certain things simply cannot be evaded. She does not blame anyone.

_This is just my fate._

"My lady?"

"It's nothing," Sakura smiles although she knows Naoko cannot see it in the darkness. Because it has been a while since she started to smile for herself. To make herself believe that she is alright. That she will be alright. Even when she can see everything falling apart right in front of her eyes. She cannot allow herself to break down.

"I shall be leaving now," she takes cautious steps in the darkness towards the door at the back of the garden.

There's a dry sound as Naoko opens the door.

A man's tall figure can be seen standing under the old tree. A picture darker than the dark night itself.

"Naoki?"

"Naoko? My lady?" he strides towards the small door. His steps confident. Unhindered by the darkness. He bows his head as he comes to stand in front of Sakura.

The cloud covering the moon floats away. Once again allowing the surroundings to bathe in melted silver.

"Is everything ready?" Naoko asks her brother, whose face bears a striking resemblance to hers.

"Yes."

"The horse?"

"I tied him up at a distance. It's just a short walk away, my lady," he looks at Sakura; "To make sure we can leave peacefully without alerting anyone."

"It's alright," Sakura smiles.

"If everything is alright, my lady, then I suggest we leave already. The weather seems to get bad," he looks up at the sky that is rapidly being obscured by a shroud of thick dark clouds.

"Yes, I am ready to leave."

"Make sure you escort her safely, Naoki."

"I will without fail. You don't need to worry about that."

"It's alright, Naoko. I have faith in Naoki. Otherwise I never would have asked for his help. In my life, I cannot ever repay you two. The risks you are taking in order to help me."

"Please do not speak like that, my lady. If not for you, I would-"

"Not be alive today?" Sakura's smile is bittersweet. "I know that, Naoki. But when I am risking your life for my selfish purposes, it makes my act of saving you look like a cheap bargain. "

She turns to face Naoko. "I guess this is goodbye then. I will miss you. Thank you for everything." She pulls her into a tight embrace.

Naoko stands still in awe. Then, she pulls away. "My lady, I am just a maid. You should not be embracing me so care-freely like I am your equal."

"You are the closest thing to a friend I have ever had in my life, Naoko. And in fact, I am no longer your lady. So there's no reason for me to not embrace you." It's getting harder for her to wear her perfectly practiced smile anymore. The pain is overwhelming. She's leaving behind way too much. Can she ever find enough to fill this deep void?

_How am I going to live from now on?_

Naoko's voice chokes, preventing her from uttering all the words of gratitude that she wants to convey too.

"Let's leave, My Lady." Naoki steps closer as a shred of dark cloud obscures the moon once again.

"Yes. Farewell, Naoko. Take care." And with that, she turns away, following after Naoki.

Naoko stands there, looking at the retreating back of the woman she has served for the past three years. She was brought here a week prior to Sakura's marriage. To act especially as her maid.

She recalls the day Sakura had entered this mansion for the first time. As the wife of Uchiha Sasuke, the leader of the great Uchiha clan. Clad in extravagant attire, wearing jewelries that probably weighed more than herself. There were chests full of gifts from her parents. It required a crowd to carry them all. The whole place was decorated with lights and flowers. There were celebrations and feasts. Her welcome was a pompous one.

And today, she is leaving this place in nothing but old shabby clothes that she borrowed from her maid. Wrapping her world in a small folded fabric bag that she easily carries in one hand. At this dead hour of night, surreptitiously without anyone's knowledge.

In the silence of the dark night, Naoko sheds the tears that Sakura held back with every ounce of strength she could find.

.

.

.

"Naoki, can you go a little slow? I'm not accustomed to riding a horse. Especially at this speed."

"Forgive me, my lady," the dark haired man replies without slowing down, holding the reins strongly in his confident hands, "But the weather seems like it's getting worse. I need to hurry. It's the best if we can reach the border before sunrise. Besides, things took a little longer than I had anticipated."

Sakura remembers the earlier events of the night. Her cheeks heat up at the memory.

"I am sorry for the delay."

"Please don't apologise to me, my lady. I am just your loyal servant. I will be there whenever you ask for me."

Sakura almost protests. But then she doesn't. Instead, she gets lost in her own thoughts. Who could have imagined?

Not even her.

Growing up, she was always being told by everyone that her parents' home wasn't hers. The place where she grew up, the place that held the memories of her childhood, she could not claim it as her own. Because her stay there was only temporary. That was her fate as a daughter. Her father's household was only meant to prepare her for the ultimate abode. Her husband's home. Because that is where a woman belongs. By her husband's side.

When the news of her marriage was declared, there was a part of her that was elated. She was finally going to the place that was supposed to be her home. A place where no-one will ever dare to tell her that she didn't belong there.

She was terrified. Of her formidable husband. Of what would transpire between them behind closed doors. If he really was as ruthless as the legends claimed, then how would he treat her? That was the only part that made her tremble in fear. But she had decided to not put up any resistance. Because she was meant to lose anyway. Rebelling was futile, it could only bring forth unwanted damage. Both to her and her clan. So, she kept reminding herself to only focus on the joy of finding a home. Hoping it would provide her with the strength to endure all the other hardships she would have to face.

However, in reality, things were slightly different.

Everyone welcomed her as the clan leader's wife, the celebrations were ostentatious. But that was the extent of it. It took her some time to figure it out but she ultimately did. Someone like her could never feel at home among the Uchihas. They had allowed her into the clan as a part of the new political alliance, but she realised they will never accept her as one of their own.

She stopped wearing colourful fabrics and started to go for darker shades. In order to blend in. In order to look like one of them. But it was a fruitless effort. Her bright green eyes and pink hair, it all screamed she was an outsider. She prayed to the gods that if someday she was blessed with children, let them not inherit her looks. Let all her features die with her. Let her kids look like perfect members of the elite clan they belonged to. But she doubted she would ever get the chance to experience motherhood.

To her own bewilderment, she came to enjoy her husband's company. If it could be called that. The time he spent with her was extremely limited. But even then, even in the silence of his presence, she found a certain warmth.

Whenever he would give her presents during festivals, whatever he'd offer, be it an ornament or a fabric, the shades will always be perfect to complement the colours of her eyes and hair. Alone time between just the two of them soon became something she longed for throughout the day. Even if it was just during their hours of sleep, having Sasuke close to her gave her a sense of protection, of belonging. During those hours, she could almost think she was home.

But here she is. Leaving him stealthily in the middle of the night. Running away. Borrowing the help of another man. It almost looks like she is leaving her husband behind for a lover.

She sighs.

_Why did things turn out like this? I did not ask for the moon and the stars. I just wanted a home and someone to love me. Was that too much to ask?_

.

.

.

"We are almost there, My Lady."

It is close to dawn. But the dense dark clouds concealing the sky are keeping the darkness alive. Form the back of the horse, Sakura can see the river up ahead.

For the past three years, Sasuke had been bringing her with him to the festival here. The one celebrated by the farmers after the harvesting of new crops. The village would be decorated with all sorts of dyed papers and lanterns and flowers. Among so many vibrant shades, she would almost look like she belonged there. And the river would reflect all those colours, enhancing the festive mood of the day many folds.

But today it only reflects the vast darkness of the sky. Sakura feels that somehow the whole world has painted itself with a colour of melancholy. As if to mourn with her.

The horse gets close to the bank and Naoki finally pulls the reins. The dark brown horse makes a loud neighing sound before halting. Naoki gets down and respectfully proffers Sakura a hand. It feels somewhat strange, taking the hand of a man other than her husband. But she reminds herself.

_He no longer is your husband. You should start getting used to it already._

As she takes Naoki's hand, all she can think about is how different it is from Sasuke's. Sasuke's hand is bigger and warmer and to her delusional mind, much softer. She sighs slightly. There is no point holding on to a relationship that is over.

Given the hour, it is time for the sky to start lightening up already. It's close to sunrise. But the world remains surrounded in darkness. And the wind continues to get stronger. As Sakura stands there, taking a look at the surroundings, the wind blows her short hair and her ill-fitting clothes violently.

Naoki whistles twice and moments later, Sakura can see the tall stature of a man appearing from behind one of the boulders that line the riverbank. As he gets closer, she studies his features properly. His clothes are dark in colour. Whether they are black or blue she cannot comprehend in the darkness. But what draws her attention is the mask that covers half of his face. His hair spiky and of a light shade. The eyelid of his only visible eye is drooping. For a moment, Sakura starts to doubt if he is reliable enough.

"Naoki," the man acknowledges him with a slight nod of his head.

"Kakashi," Naoki nods back. "Lady Sakura is here. I've done my part. For the rest, you are the only one I can rely upon. Please."

"Don't worry," Kakashi speaks in a very casual tone, "I will ensure her safety even if it has to be done at the cost of my own life."

"Please don't throw your life away for me. I am not worth it," she feels guilty at how many people are ready to sacrifice themselves for her sake. What has she done to deserve this? Just because she was born to a clan leader and was once married to another doesn't make her life more valuable than others'.

"You are always worth it, my lady," although she cannot see Kakashi's lips, she can read the smile in his eyes, "Now, I think it's better for us to leave. The sky does not look good. If we wait any longer than we already have, we might not be able to leave. And getting stuck here won't be a good idea. Sooner or later, they will come searching for her."

Will they? Was she that important? Would he care? After all, their relationship is already over. Isn't it?

"This way, my lady."

"Please, just call me Sakura. I'm…" _no longer your lady_. _I'm a nobody now._

"That's good. I'll call you Sakura. You're much younger than me."

Kakashi leads the way to the bank. There, she can see a small wooden boat waiting in the water.

Sakura bids farewell to Naoki and expresses her heartfelt gratitude before getting onto the boat with Kakashi.

.

.

.

"Do you know how to swim?" Kakashi asks, studying the sky that has started to take up a lighter hue of grey as morning has finally imposed its arrival upon the seemingly endless night of calamity.

"No," Sakura's voice sounds sharp against the blowing wind. "Why?"

"Just asking in case things take a turn for the worst."

A fear shadows her beautiful face. Life hasn't exactly been kind to her, but death…

"Don't worry, I won't let you die," Kakashi assures her with a smile.

"You should not throw your life away for me just because I am the wife of a clan leader."

"It's not because of your high status." Kakashi breathes in. "I used to be a warrior once. Dreaded by every enemy. But few years back, I got severely injured and lost the ability to move as fast as I once could. I am no longer of any use in the battlefield. I'm hardly worth anything. You, on the other hand are so much younger. You have a promising future ahead that I will gladly give my life up to protect."

Something occurs to her as Sakura listens to him.

_Kakashi_…

_It can't be._

"Are you…" her voice trembles a little as she asks the question, "Are you Hatake Kakashi? The famed fighter who used to serve the Uzumaki clan until a few years ago?"

"I am," his voice is completely calm and composed as he keeps paddling the boat.

_What?_

"Why are you... What are you doing here?"

"At the moment, taking you across the river where you can start your new life away from your former husband and his clan."

.

.

.

"I- I can't. It's no use," Sakura sounds extremely panicked as she fruitlessly tries to scoop the water out using her small hands. "The rain is too heavy. The water is too much. It doesn't make any difference, no matter how much I try."

Kakashi takes a careful look at the surroundings. They are just as far away from one bank as they are from the other. It was a mistake. He should have waited. But the risk of the Uchiha clan leader coming in search of his wife was also something he had to take into consideration.

The strong waves are bouncing the small boat up and down like it's a fallen leaf. All of a sudden, a massive wave hits them and the boat sways heavily. Throwing Sakura's small fabric bag into the murky water.

"No," she screams and tries to reach for it. But in vain.

"If I were you, the bag would be the least of my concerns."

"No," she cries.

He does not understand. She left everything behind. Every single thing. The only item she carried with her was the small jacket. The one with the Uchiha clan's emblem that Sasuke had put on her at their wedding ceremony.

_Why are you so cruel to me?_

She is exasperated.

_Why? What did I do to deserve this? I left the man I love with all my heart and my soul. I just took with me a single token of our relationship_.

_I do not want to die. I want to live regardless of how hard it might be. But I accept this. Like I have accepted every misfortune that has ever befallen me. Always blaming it on my ill fate. But why does it have to be like this? Before taking my life away, do you really have to strip me of all my bonds with him? Why?_

Tears stream down her face. But the rain washes it away. Too occupied with lamenting over her losses, she does not notice when the destructive wave approaches them.

.

.

.

The rainstorm continues to rage on. And the turbulent water keeps tossing the capsized boat around.

* * *

Sasuke opens his eyes languidly. Only to be greeted by a gloomy morning. There's the familiar scent of rain lingering in the air. He can hear the noise of raindrops hitting against the ground incessantly even from inside the closed room. And abruptly, he remembers.

_It's today._

A wave of intense pain hits him hard. One he had no idea he was capable of feeling. He turns the other way, intending to take a look at Sakura. Today he gets to wake up to the sight of her serene face for the last time. And all of a sudden, he halts. In a childish attempt to save his last view of her.

He takes a few deep breaths, preparing himself for this. It feels a little strange because by now, he has already memorised every single detail of her perfect form. Her otherworldly face, her lissome body, the way her chest rises and falls as she breathes in her sleep, the strands of stray pink locks that fall haphazardly upon her face making it appear even more alluring. He can only watch her like this when she is asleep. Because otherwise, he might frighten her. And all the efforts he has put over the course of their marriage intending to make her stop fearing him would be in vain.

To his utter surprise, he does not find her there. It's unusual. He has always been the first one to wake up. Three years into their marriage and there never has been a day when this routine has been violated.

He touches the bed on her side. The coldness of the humid morning has invaded it long ago. Removing any trace of warmth that is supposed to remain after being in contact with a human body.

She left the bed long ago.

_How long?_

For some reason, it makes Sasuke feel a little perturbed. He sits up.

_Where did she go? Is she making preparations?_

_For the separation._

His heart twists with pain. He looks at the door on the colourfully decorated wall that leads to her study. Is she there? But he isn't sure why, a voice inside his head tells him she isn't.

He decides to leave the bed and check. If she really isn't in there, then… where can she possibly be?

Just as he is about to descend from the bed, his eyes fall upon the two rolls of paper on the wooden table. He stares at them for a while, a deep frown appearing on his forehead. Finally, he reaches for one.

He unties the silky ribbon and unrolls the stack of mulberry papers. It's a letter.

_My Lord, _

_By the time you read this, I should be gone already. I beg for your forgiveness. I am not doing this to disrespect you. I have arrived upon this decision after a long consideration. This is the only way out for me. However, I do not intend to bring disgrace upon you with my actions. That is why I am leaving another letter addressed to the council. Please hand it over to them. _

_I know you must be infuriated. And rightfully so. My audacious action deserves your rage, but please let me speak my heart out to you. Just once in my life._

_My lord, I know what I turned into the moment my brother attacked the Land of Fire. And I am truly grateful to general Shisui for successfully preventing his advances. I do not know if you would believe me or not, but in this battle, you were the one for whose victory I prayed. _

_I am indebted to you for taking my side and standing up against the council when they wanted to have me executed. But I can also comprehend their feelings. After all, the sole reason they accepted an outsider into the clan for the first time in history was to ensure the loyalty of the Haruno clan. I knew since before my marriage that I was meant to be a hostage. One wrong step from my clan and my life would be on the line. Although I did not picture it ever happening in reality. Not even in my worst nightmares. _

_The reason I complied with the council's demands without any resistance was because I understood how difficult it was. Here, people cannot trust me. I can see it in their eyes every day. They cannot accept me as their own. And now that there has been an attack, I understand how excruciating it is for them. And how unfair. When people are having to send their beloved ones to fight an advancing enemy, how can they accept a leader whose own wife is the sister of said enemy? How can they find the assurance that I am not here to act as a spy on behalf of my brother? _

_They have finally found a leader they can trust. Who led them to victory and prosperity after years of struggle. And you too, my lord. I have been watching you. When I married you, I was told that you were a monster. I feared you more than anyone or anything else in this world. But after our marriage, I got to witness who you really are. Maybe you really are the merciless warrior they claim you to be. I have never seen you in the battlefield. But from what I have seen, you are a leader who loves his people with all of his heart. And your people know this too. They have faith in you. If you try to take my side any more than you already have, that faith might start to crack. No good can come out of it. The clan needs you. Therefore, they need to see you throw me away, to see you choose them over an outsider like me. That way they can know that you are still on their side. _

_The reason I decided to leave like this before our marriage could be annulled is because I do not really want to be discarded. Like I already stated, this clan has not accepted me yet. Although I do not blame them. I was already abandoned by my birth clan. If not on the day they married me off, then definitely on the day my brother attacked the Land of Fire. Now being abandoned by you means I lose my place here as well. I know I said I understand why this needs to be done. But that does not keep me from feeling like I just lost everything. Where do I belong? Who is my family? Who will be there with me when I grow old? In this whole wide world, I feel like I am completely alone. _

_You have always been kind to me. Maybe more than I deserve. If I had rushed to the house of a maid to save her brother's life back when I was living with my parents, I would have been punished severely for acting improperly. When I did that here, I expected nothing less from you. But not only did you commend me for saving his life, you also granted me the permission to study about medicinal plants. It made me feel like you had faith that I could be of use if I tried. All my childhood, I was denied so many things. I was denied the knowledge of how to wield a weapon or how to ride a horse or how to run a clan. Because I was a girl. I grew up feeling like no-one could see me. I wasn't really mistreated, but very much ignored. I was told that I would only ever be of any use to the clan when I help them secure a political alliance with an enemy they cannot take on otherwise. Through marriage. It was as if they had already decided what they wanted from me and refused to acknowledge the chances of me ever being able to accomplish anything else. It never mattered how hard I tried. Therefore, when you readily made arrangements for me to have all the books I wanted, it made me truly happy. I do not know if this makes much sense, but I was happy in our marriage. Yes, I wanted more. I have always wanted more but I appreciated everything I ever had. The years I was married to you, my lord, were the happiest years of my life._

_I know you have made arrangements for me to continue living comfortably even after the annulment of our marriage. I thank you for that from the bottom of my heart. But I keep thinking: once our marriage ends, what would that make me? Someone abandoned by everyone she ever thought of as her own, living a solitary life among people who think of her as an enemy. I do not fear for my safety. I know you will ensure that no-one can ever lay a finger upon me. But what terrifies me is the idea of turning into the deserted former wife of the clan leader. I will have to watch silently from a distance as another woman will come to take my place in your life. Not that it ever was a very vast one, but still it was mine. She will give you children, something I did not manage to do. And very soon, I will be forgotten by everyone. Most likely even you. It will be just me, living in seclusion, slowly seeing myself being erased from every place I had ever existed in. It will be like dying a little every day before the god of death finally shows me some mercy and calls me to his side._

_If I am far away from this place, then I would not have to cling to the fragments of my broken past. Maybe I can create a new identity for myself. A new life, a new beginning. That way, maybe someday I can find happiness, a place where I belong. People I can call my own safe in the knowledge that I will never have to lose them. If I stay here, I will always remain the abandoned former wife. Therefore, I have made this drastic decision. I am being a little egocentric. Maybe not a little. Maybe too much. But this way, it saves me from this agony. Running away just before you can severe all your ties with me. It will help me pretend that they are still there. I am just trying to create an illusion to protect my heart from shattering into pieces._

_Am I even making any sense?_

_I think I am just talking gibberish. My emotions are getting the better of me. I feel so empty, but at the same time so overwhelmed. I can no longer comprehend how I feel anymore. I am completely aware that what I am doing isn't the right course of action. But you have shown me kindness on so many occasions when I didn't expect you to. Please do that one last time. Please forgive me, my lord. And forget about my indecent behaviour. Our relationship is already in the past, so please don't hold onto any bitterness and welcome the future. I hope you succeed in leading the clan for many decades to come. I hope you find someone who can give you everything I could not. Wherever I am, I will pray for your good health and prosperity._

_My heartfelt gratitude for everything you have bestowed upon me._

_Uchiha Sakura._

Sasuke doesn't realise he has finished reading the letter. He keeps staring into the pieces of paper. The figures, neat and small, written in dark black ink. There's something very feminine in the way she writes. He has never seen her writing before. But for some reason, he feels like this handwriting suits her perfectly. He observes the smudges scattered all along the papers. She was crying while writing this. Those are the trails left by her tears. He pictures the scene, Sakura sitting in her study, writing this letter to him while shedding tears of agony. It hits him hard. He brings the stack of papers to touch it with his lips.

Should he be angry? That's what she wrote in her letter, but just how can he? All he can feel right now is pain. And loneliness. And guilt. And so many other emotions he cannot even recognise.

There's a soft knock at his door.

"Who is it?"

His voice sounds foreign to his own ears. It's full of poison. But he knows it's foolish. It's not the maid's fault. It's not anyone's fault. If anyone has to be blamed, it should be him. He failed her. She had to leave because he could not keep his promise to her. The promise to protect her for the rest of his life.

He was way too young when he became the clan leader after his parents' unfortunate demise. His elder brother was deemed unsuitable because of his illness. His responsibilities were too huge for his age. And he knew that others were aware of it too. He had to be careful in trusting anyone. He had to keep an eye open for those who might try to manipulate him to serve their own gains. But his brother was there. His disease couldn't take his intellect away. And Sasuke knew if no-one else, Itachi was the one person he could trust blindly.

When the Haruno clan offered their daughter, he was hesitant. It was still too early for him to consider marriage. Especially given the enormous transition the clan was going through. But Itachi convinced him that it was in the best interests of the clan. It would eradicate the chances of future disputes with the Harunos. Besides, the Land of Fire was never affluent when it came to natural resources. The Uchihas relied on their battle skills. While the Land of Earth was famed for its mines full of gold and silver and many precious gems. If they could have those assets, the Uchihas would become invincible. So, in the end, Sasuke had accepted in spite of his personal reluctance. It was a political treaty for the betterment of the clan.

But then…

He saw her. Burdened with the weights of so many layers of extravagant clothing and jewelries. She looked tired, but was doing her best to hide it. She looked breathtakingly beautiful. Sasuke's mother, Uchiha Mikoto was a regal beauty. He never imagined another woman so pain-strikingly beautiful could exist. She was so different from all the people he had seen so far. Her pink hair and green eyes and red lips and colourful attire made her look like she had descended onto this earth from another world. And for him and him only. It was a strange feeling. He had to reprimand himself for losing sight of what was important.

According to the wedding customs, he had to put his clan's symbolic jacket on her. That was when he noticed how small she was compared to him. Her short height, small frame and delicate features confused him. He was there to make a deal with a decades long enemy. But could someone like her be considered an enemy? And when he swore to protect her for the rest of his life, she was standing right beside him. He maintained a stoic expression on his face but inside, there was a storm going on. He did not understand. She was meant to be nothing more than a hostage. But why did he feel like he would do anything to keep that promise?

That night, as he entered their bedchamber, he found her there. Trembling in fear but still maintaining a brave front. That was the moment he realised that if there was one person who was more unwilling than him about this marriage, it was her. He realised who she was. A helpless young girl caught in the dispute of the two clans. A sacrifice. He did not have any intentions of consummating their marriage that night. He could never bring himself to touch a woman he did not love. But for some reason, he figured it wouldn't take him long. As if it was inevitable. But he knew she was terrified of him. So, somehow that became his primary ambition. To let her know that he won't harm her. Ever.

"My lord," the maid's voice sounds a little nervous as she knocks at the door for the second time, "Lord Itachi is here."

"Serve him with some tea. I will meet with him shortly."

* * *

**Note: **Chapter name is from **_Sad Beautiful Tragic_** by _**Taylor Swift**._

Bad news, this story will be longer than I had actually planned it to be because Kakashi appeared and messed with the entire plot. Good news, now I know the exact detailed plot-line of the story, not just the main summary or anything. So, writing would be easier and hopefully faster.

Thank you for all the mind-blowing reviews, you guys are just too kind.

Take care.

June ❤️


	3. You And I, We Become Tears To Each Other

Itachi gazes at the distance, witnessing the heaven pouring down onto the earth. He watches the sky painted in grey and black. And the trees swaying violently as the storm rages on and on like an eternal disaster. The morning is chilly; he holds onto the small porcelain bowl in his hands. The fuming hot beverage therein offering him it's almost scorching warmth.

The sound of approaching footsteps disturbs his ears. Raising over the uproar of the catastrophe outside. The echoing of aggressive strides against the hardwood floor. The urgency in it. The anger. The frustration. A furrow appears on his forehead. He turns his face away from the window.

The very next instant, his younger brother makes his appearance through the door.

Sasuke stops there, breathing heavily. Gazing straight at his elder brother. His thin brows drawn together.

Itachi reads the disaster imprinted in his coal black eyes.

"What happened?"

Sasuke clenches his fist.

"My wife-"

The frown on Itachi's face deepens.

"...She left."

Itachi stares at his brother. Unable to comprehend the implication of his statement.

"Left?"

"Yes," Sasuke's voice is sharp.

"What do you mean she left?"

"She left this place, she left… me." There's a touch of agitation in his tone.

Itachi finds himself at a loss for words.

Sasuke strides towards his brother and brings out a roll of paper from inside of his dark blue jacket. Handing it over to him.

"What is this?"

"A letter she left for the council."

"For the council?"

"Yes. Hand it over to them. Take care of things here. You are the only one I can trust with this."

Itachi scowls. "What are _you_ going to do?"

"I am going to look for her," Sasuke clenches his jaw.

"Where?"

"I, myself, will be riding south."

During the period she was married to him, she didn't leave home very often. She would mostly remain indoors, reading books in her study or tending to the medicinal plants at the garden. Sometimes she did step outside, but only as far as the marketplace, in search of medicinal herbs. She never travelled far. Except for those occasions when he took her with him, to the harvest festival in the south. He does not assume she learnt the road by travelling there three times in the three years of their marriage, from inside of a carriage. But still, for some reason, he believes that is where she is most likely to head towards. If only she can cross the river, she will be outside the boundaries of the Land of Fire.

"South?"

"Yes."

"Why do you assume she travelled south? If she left you, then is she not likely to return to her home? Her family?"

Sasuke's blood boils, he tightens his fists hard enough to make them tremble.

"Family, you say?" Sasuke smiles, an expression of mockery, "What kind of family sends their daughter to the bed of an enemy too violent for them to face on the battlefield?"

His brother's choice of words almost makes Itachi flinch.

"You think they would marry her off to me if they thought of her as family? This was no marriage, just a political alliance. She was nothing but a pawn, a sacrifice."

The elder brother's dark eyes remain blank, devoid of any emotion.

"I strongly believe she would not go back to them. But I would still be dispatching my men for a thorough search throughout the entire land. If not for this calamity, I could have sent word to Shisui and Obito. But unfortunately, that does not seem like a viable course of action."

"You are dispatching your men?"

"Of course I am."

"Sasuke, have you taken a look outside? Have you seen how violent the storm is? Even a battle would be halted during such adversities. The action you are intending to take is impetuous. Besides, you have to answer to the council. Today was supposed to be the day of your marriage annulment. There is going to be questions."

"You think I care?" Sasuke flares up, his face contouring in anger. "You ask me to take a look at the storm, at how intimidating it is. But brother, we ride to battles. This disaster is nothing compared to the thirsty swords of enemies that lust for our blood. We, our men, are meant for marching through calamities like this. But you know who isn't? My wife. I do not know how many hours has passed since she left, how far she has travelled, if she has found a shelter in this disaster, if she is travelling on foot or has some other means of transportation, if she is by herself or has company, if she even knows the path or not. During a moment like this, you expect me to care about the council?"

Itachi watches, speechless. His brother is taciturn by nature, always a man of few words. Outbursts like this are uncharacteristic of him. Even standing in the middle of a battlefield when all hopes seemed lost, he never saw Sasuke being this perturbed.

It is in this moment that his mind flashes images in front of his eyes.

A smile. The touch of a hand. The sound of a voice. The gaze of two onyx black eyes. Long brown hair blowing gently in the wind.

Old images. Memories from days when life meant hope. Future meant dreams.

_How long has it been? _

He still remembers. As if time hasn't lapsed at all.

He looks at his brother. The desperation in his conduct, he can finally apprehend it. Because he knows. He knows him. He knows that beneath the exterior of a formidable leader, there lies a heart. A soul. Of a human being. There lies his brother. A man.

Itachi observes him, devoid of any words. He is bound by duties. As Sasuke's entrusted adviser, the only person he can trust in this mayhem of power and conspiracies. It's his duty to ensure that his brother doesn't make a wrong move. It's his duty to stop him now before it's too late. But…

He places a hand on Sasuke's shoulder. Lightly squeezing the muscles there.

"Go, take your men and look for her. I will take care of the rest."

For a few moments, Sasuke stands still. As if unable to trust his ears. His eyes a little wider than usual.

"Don't waste any more time, Sasuke. Like you said, she might be out there in this storm all by herself."

"Thank you, brother," Sasuke's voice wavers a little and in the twinkle of an eye, he is gone.

_Since when, Sasuke?_

Itachi stands there. The roll of papers in his hand. He remembers the serene face of his sister-in-law. Her gentle smile and colourful features that almost looked out of place in this ancient clan. The girl who left her kin to be here as a hostage.

'_Nothing but a pawn, a sacrifice.' _

He is Sasuke's elder brother. If Sasuke was ever in danger, Itachi knows he will throw his life away without any second thought. There's not a thing in this world he isn't ready to sacrifice for his brother. So, how could he? Being well aware what his reckless actions would bring upon his sister. How could he?

She used to call him lord Itachi. He was the one who insisted for her to call him brother Itachi instead.

_But in the end, what did I manage to do for her? I never should have asked her to call me her brother. I never deserved that title. _

Itachi sighs.

_Sasuke, please bring her back._

_Sakura, I beg of you. Please be safe._

.

.

.

Sasuke leads the horse through the plains at the highest speed he can muster. The chilly rain and the violent wind assault him. But they fail to restrain him. Truth be told, he doesn't even feel any of it. Anything.

_Please! Please!_

_You cannot do this. You cannot leave me like this. You have to come back to me. You have to let me apologise to you. For not keeping my promise. For not being there by your side when my clan was treating you like an outsider. For being so oblivious to your pains. _

_Why did you do this? Why did you let me have my way with you last night? Why did you write me that letter? Why are you like this? Why do you care so much about me? About my clan? The same clan that has refused to accept you, why do you care about their pains? Their prosperity? You say you were happy in this marriage, you say those were the happiest days of your life. Just how starved have you been of love? For you to feel so contended in your mockery of a marriage with me? Why are you so thankful to me? I have done nothing for you. I used to think I did. I used to think I was making efforts. But knowing how much you were suffering all this time, without me having any knowledge of it, I can no longer pretend like I did anything to deserve your gratitude._

_Therefore, you have to come back to me. So that I can make it up to you. So that I can become the husband that you painted me out to be._

_You have to come back._

_You have to._

* * *

"She is waking up!" Sakura hears a feminine voice as consciousness starts to seep into her mind. She turns her head towards the source of the noise and slowly opens her eyes. Her eyelids feel heavy. As if they haven't been opened in ages. Her body feels stiff. As if it hasn't been moved in aeons.

She sees the face of a woman. Somewhat older than her, a beautiful face with shoulder length black hair. The woman smiles. A smile of relief.

"How do you feel?" it's another voice. A little deeper than the previous one. As her eyes follow the sounds of the footsteps on the wooden floor, they find whom she thinks of as the most beautiful woman she has ever laid eyes upon.

A young woman, in her mid-twenties. With painted pink lips and dark honey coloured eyes. Her long golden hair tied into two loose braids.

The woman looks at her.

"Can you get up?" she comes to sit by her side on the floor.

Sakura tries to lift her body from the bedding. The golden haired woman offers her a hand. Helping her.

"My body feels a little rigid," she answers honestly.

"That is to be expected. Nothing to be concerned about. Do you have any difficulty in breathing?"

Sakura breathes in, pulling in as much air as her lungs can contain. She holds it in for a few moments before letting it out.

"No," she shakes her head slightly.

"Good," the woman smiles. A warm and kind smile.

"You need to eat first. You have been unconscious for three days."

Three days? She recalls. The storm. The turbulent water. The bellowing wind. Too many memories start to jostle in her brain.

_Kakashi._

Did he survive or was she the only one?

"Where is Kakashi?" she wails.

He did not give up his life in order to save her. He could not have done that. She won't ever be able to forgive herself. She cannot bear the weight of someone's life.

"He is in the other room. Asleep."

"Is he alright?"

Tsunade scowls a little.

_Didn't you just wake up after being unconscious for three days? Shouldn't you be concerned about yourself first?_

"He is. He gained back consciousness the very day you two were brought here. He has been worried about you ever since."

She reprimands herself for causing worry for him but at least he is unharmed.

"Who are you?" she asks the golden haired woman because even though she looks younger than her companion, the authoritativeness in her voice draws Sakura.

"My name is Tsunade. I am a healer. And this is Shizune, my niece. She is also my apprentice. The villagers found you two unconscious on the bank of the river and brought you here."

.

.

.

"You look healthy," Kakashi smiles through his mask as they sit side by side on the porch. Looking over the small garden. Mostly containing what Sakura recognises as medicinal plants. There is one larger tree at the centre, standing tall among the shorter shrubs. A shade tree. She doesn't identify which kind. She has never seen this tree before. Being in a faraway land, seeing new things should not come as a surprise.

She looks at the man sitting by her side. Gazing at the clouds floating in the sky. A complete stranger who saved her risking his own life like he had promised he would.

"Thank you for saving me," she utters the words with utmost gratitude.

"You do not need to thank me. I'm glad you're safe."

She does not reply. She looks at the shade tree. Sheltering the smaller medicinal plants from the heat of the sun. She sees the fallen leaves on the ground. Slowly rotting away, turning into dirt. And then she looks up at the tree once again. At its vast green canopy. Looking at it, the loss of the fallen leaves is not even visible. New green leaves have taken their place. Completely removing any traces of them ever being there.

_Aren't we so similar?_

She smiles to herself as her eyes once again go back to the decomposing mulch on the soil.

"Lady Tsunade says she can heal my leg. I am not really expecting for her to succeed. I have been to all the best healers in the Land of Wind. No-one could help me. But I want to give it a try. Just so I don't regret it later." Kakashi speaks. His gaze still fixed on the sky.

She turns her face to him.

She blinks before asking him in a soft voice, "Do you want to go back to the battlefield?"

"Sometimes I do." With that he finally faces her. A gentle look in his eyes. "I had been fighting since I was fourteen. I have been a warrior all my life. When I lost my battle skills, it felt like my purpose in life was lost. It's difficult to live like that. After a while, it starts to feel excruciating."

_A purpose? I no longer have one. Then why am I still alive? Wouldn't it have been better if you hadn't saved me at all? I would have died. I wouldn't even have known. It would have been for the best._

"To you, people like me must look like blood-thirsty demons, butchering people mercilessly. But in this world of blood-lust, if you don't kill, you get killed. It is because monsters like me exist that people can live in safety. By killing, we are also protecting even though it sounds bizarre."

"It does not sound bizarre to me," Sakura smiles, a nostalgic tone in her voice, "My husband, he is dreaded by nations as a heartless monster. But he fights because he wants to protect his people. He might be a formidable warrior to the outside, but I was married to him for three years. I have seen it. He is very kind. Even though that sounds bizarre."

"Uchiha Sasuke, huh?" Kakashi breathes out loudly as he leans his body backwards. Pressing his palms against the wooden floor to maintain balance. "You truly love him with all your heart. Don't you?"

Sakura's green eyes go wide for a while, at his sudden comment. Then a small smile graces her face.

"I remember you reprimanded me when I tried to save my bag from falling into the river."

"I did not reprimand. I just found it curious that you would care about a bag when your very life was at risk."

"The only thing in that bag was a jacket. It was a jacket from my wedding. A jacket with the emblem of the Uchiha clan. My husband had put it on me during the ceremony. And by doing so, he had made me his lawfully wedded wife and thus, a member of the Uchiha clan."

She looks at him with a bittersweet smile on her face.

"That was why I wanted to take it with me. Because I wanted to have a token of our relationship. I had to let him go. Even though my heart screamed in protest. I did not have another choice. You are right. I love him. I love him more than I have ever loved another person. I love him more than I love myself. I love him so much that it suffocates me, it bewilders me, it frightens me. I gave him my heart. No matter where I go, no matter how much time passes, that will never change. Ever. I will always be his."

She stops. She breathes in and then exhales audibly.

"But he is no longer mine. Even though I never had his heart, but all this time, I at least had the right to call him mine. I no longer have that privilege. Therefore, I wanted there to be a testament of that time. To remind me that all of it happened in reality. I was married to him. I was close to him, next to him, breathing in the same air, watching the same scenery. If I am to be honest, initially I wanted to bring everything. The ornaments, the garments, the perfumes, the books, all of it. But then, I saw it for what it was. My miserable attempt to carry my entire past with me. But if I keep dragging the past, if I keep holding onto it so desperately, I will not be able to move forward. Therefore, in the end I decided to take that jacket only. One lone token to remind me of those days."

She laughs.

"But look at my ill-fate, that one token, too, was snatched away from me. It now lies in the mud at the bottom of the river. And now, if you look at me, there is nothing left. If I claim that I once was married to the leader of the Uchiha clan, people might think I am a lunatic. They might laugh at me. It is as if those three years never happened at all. As if I was never in his life at all. As if it was just a very elaborate dream. All in my mind."

_All my ties with him have been severed. Even though I tried so desperately, I failed to keep any._

She does not cry. She feels so empty, that even tears refuse to come to her.

.

.

.

Sakura undresses slowly. The heat from the hot water fills the entire bathroom. Offering her a comfortable warmth.

As the plain robe comes undone, she observes her skin in the yellowish light. The marks left there by Sasuke. Her slender fingers travel to touch one on her chest. She had been dressed by either Tsunade or Shizune after being rescued. And whoever it was, she must have seen these imprints on her body. Sakura's cheeks heat up. She steps into the wooden bathtub. Slowly, she lowers herself into the embrace of the heated water. Leaning against the edge of the tub, she takes a deep breath.

She didn't die. Even though she thought she would. She lived. But…

She lifts a leg up from the water. To look at the red marks on her thigh. And she sees how they have faded since that night.

They will fade away soon. All the traces left by Sasuke on her body will fade into oblivion. However, the mark he left on her heart is indelible. He will always be in her heart for as long as she breathes. It's her. It's her who would be erased from his. After all, when it comes to matters of the heart, she never was of any value to him.

He was kind to her. In spite of the tales of his viciousness, she saw him. She was among the fortunate ones who got to see him for who he was inside the exterior of a barbaric killer. She saw how deeply he cared for his people. His marriage to her was a self-sacrifice. Unlike her, he was free to decline. But he did not. He accepted a woman he knew nothing about because he considered it beneficial for his clan. And he treated her with respect and kindness. Not because she was special to him, but because that is who he is underneath. She was just one of the many he randomly bestowed his kindness upon. There wasn't love involved. Not on his part. It was just her, falling for him harder and harder every time he as much as spared her a glance. Always getting overwhelmed by the smallest of gestures. Fighting battles in her heart.

_What are you doing now, my lord? It's late. Have you had your meal already or are you still busy with work? I hope you would take proper care of your health. I have always wished I could do more for you. Cook a meal, prepare the bath, sew clothes. Mundane things a wife does for her husband. But I was unlike other wives. We did not share the relationship a married couple is expected to share. Therefore, I did not dare. I did not want to infuriate you by doing unnecessary deeds. But I hoped, I prayed that one day you would look at me the way I look at you and then, I will rightfully do for you all the things a wife should be allowed to do for her husband._

_But look at me now._

_Did you search for me? Did you worry about me even a little? _

The steam rising from the hot tub makes her eyes water. She blinks a few times to make the tears go away.

_How did the council react? I assume they would be relieved that I am finally gone. They never were in favour of me to begin with. Did they already find you another bride? This time one from your own clan, one worthy of you?_

_You will marry her and bring her where you once brought me. Your home. The room you gave to me, all my belongings that I left there, she will throw them away to replace them with her own possessions. The bedchamber, the bed that was yours and mine, she will be the one sharing them with you. You will be holding her, like you held me that night. You will be touching her, like you touched me, calling her name, like you did mine, filling her up with your warmth like you did me._

She recalls that night. How he had held her with gentleness that she could never imagine him to possess, how he had called her name in his harsh breathless voice, his fingers tangled in her long tresses, his lips on her skin, his warmth against her, inside her. The way he had looked at her with eyes full of adoration, the way he had kissed her forehead, wiping away the hair sticking there because of the sweat, after he had finished worshiping her body. The way he had pulled her to himself, skin against skin, his strong arms wrapped around her narrow form. She had felt so warm, so protected.

_I wish I could know what it feels like to wake up in your arms like that. _

But she never will. She envies that fortunate faceless woman. The one whom he will give everything he never gave her. His heart. They will have children.

_Ever since I was young, I have always wanted to be a mother. Creating a new life with your beloved. The fruit of your love. Raising that baby together, with all the love in this world. Now I will never get to know that feeling. _

_Kakashi was saying it's difficult to live life without a purpose. How am I supposed to live from now on? If only I was brave enough, instead of running away stealthily, I could have ended this painful life. At least I would not have to be parted from you._

_Years from now, when you are old and grey and surrounded by your grandchildren, when they ask you about stories from your past, will my name ever cross your mind? Even for a moment? Will you at least remember that your first marriage was to an unfortunate outsider who could only stay by your side for a short while? Or will you forget everything? My very existence in your life?_

The tears stream down her face, dropping into the water. She tries to convince herself that it's all because of the heat. But she knows better. She covers her face with her palms and she whimpers.

* * *

Sasuke sets foot inside the walls, an empty feeling stabbing at his heart. When was the last time he returned to a home without her?

And it does not quite feel like home.

He hears a maid shout, "The lord is here!"

He moves his legs, unable to make sense of the events of his surroundings. His brain too preoccupied with its own turmoil.

"Sasuke."

A familiar deep voice stops him, he looks at the speaker. A worried look in his brother's dark eyes. For a moment he wants to collapse, for he knows Itachi will hold him. But he cannot. He is the leader of a prestigious clan, he cannot show vulnerability in front of his people. He must always stand tall.

Itachi's eyes scrutinise him head to toe. The disheveled clothes, the unkempt hair, the haphazardly grown facial hair, the defeated look in his eyes.

Itachi does not ask the question for he already knows the answer.

"Go take a bath first. And have a meal. I have things to discuss with you later."

For a few moments, Sasuke stands motionless. Staring at his brother with an empty look in his eyes. Before finally hanging his head.

"Come inside."

He follows after his brother without uttering a single word.

.

.

.

"I sent word to Shisui and Obito."

Sasuke stares blankly at his brother sitting in front of him.

"I have asked them to keep a watchful eye. By any miracle, if she appears anywhere near the borders, they will find her. I have been successful in holding the council at bay, although barely. Now that you are here, you have questions to answer. As much as I want to be there for you, there are things only you can do as the clan leader."

Itachi pauses to take a breath. Observing his brother.

"I sent my men to search for her as well. I intended to join them myself but figured it would be wiser if someone stayed here. Me alone would not have made much difference anyway."

Sasuke's eyes narrow at this revelation. But his mouth remains shut.

"And I have announced a handsome reward for anyone who finds her or can lead us to her. I know it has been eleven days but I want to believe that all hope is not lost yet."

"My lords!" the high pitched voice interrupts Itachi's one-sided conversation with his brother. He turns his face towards the door. So does Sasuke.

They find two people kneeling on the ground, head bowed, almost touching the wooden floor.

"My lord, we have committed an unforgivable crime," the woman lifts her face. And Sasuke recognises her.

Sakura's maid.

A furrow appears on his forehead.

"We were the ones who helped our lady escape."

An electric current runs through his bones. His jaws clench, so does his fists.

"Elaborate," his voice sounds chillingly calm.

"I- my lady asked me for a favour and I could not refuse. She asked me if I- my brother could help her escape. Of course I tried to talk to her out of it, to reason with her, but I am merely a servant. How can I argue with my master? She had already made up her mind. She said if I refused to assist her, it would only bring her more hardships, so I gave in." Naoko shakes her head violently as tears stream down her pale cheeks.

"What did she ask of you?" Sasuke's ice-cold gaze turns to Naoki kneeling beside his sister.

"I made the necessary arrangements and on that fateful night, I took her with me to the south. To the bank of the river. A trustworthy acquaintance took her from there. He was supposed to take her across the river, to the Land of Lightning where she could start her life anew. They left on a boat."

_Left on a boat? On that night? _

"We had not foreseen this, we did not expect for the storm to turn as violent as it did," his voice starts to shake. "I went to visit him the next day. He was not there. Neither was my lady. The people in the village said they had not seen him since the storm. I have been visiting again and again these past few days but there has been no news, no trails, nothing. But yesterday, I went there once again…"

"And?" the malice in his voice burns his throat.

"Some fishermen had discovered this from the river." Naoko pulls something from inside her long jacket and places it carefully on the floor in front of her.

It's a muddy lump of clothes, giving off a foul odour.

"What is this?"

"The bag my lady was carrying with her when she left," Naoko's voice chokes.

_Her bag? From the river? She has not made it to where she was supposed to go? Did she…?_

_No! This cannot be happening_!

"I never should have agreed to help her. I should have informed my lord. It was all my fault," as Naoki laments, all of Sasuke's wrath channels itself to him. He stands up. His hand instinctively reaching for the hilt of his sword. But he does not find it there.

Frustrated, he looks at the man kneeling onto the ground.

He remembers. Her smile, the look of pure happiness on her face at succeeding in saving this man's life. She was certain Sasuke would not approve of this, but she did not care about consequences. She just wanted to save his life. The life she saved with so much devotion, how can he end that same life with his own hands?

_How can I disrespect her like that?_

He looks at Naoko. She should be of around the same age as Sakura. In his three years of admiring his wife from afar, he had often see her smile with this girl. A smile she never wore in front of him. While within his proximity, she was always anxious, always on alert. She feared him. This maid bowing her head in front of him was more of a comfortable existence in her life than he ever could be.

Sasuke sighs.

_In the end, she decided to leave my side. And they were the ones she sought help from. Not me. _

"Seven days," he speaks as if in a daze, "Leave the Land of Fire within seven days. You are not to set foot here ever again."

He does not see the shock in the faces of the two siblings, he does not see the frown on his brother's face, he does not see the dirt stained fabric bag as he walks past it and leaves the room. He walks through the hallway like a somnambulist.

He steps inside the room in a state of delirium. His head feels like it's about to burst open. His footsteps falter, his body feels heavy, his throat feels dry. He feels the need to lie down. He just cannot hold himself up anymore. He staggers to the bed.

_The bed…_

She used to be there. Sleeping peacefully when he returned to their room at night. She used to be there right beside him in the mornings when he purposefully woke up earlier just to have a look at her poised face. Her face in the first light of the morning sun was how he used to start his days. Her warmth reaching him as she unconsciously moved closer to him in her sleep. Something she would never do while in her senses.

She was there. She was there with him that night. She was in his arms, living and breathing, gasping and moaning, calling his name into his ears in a voice that made the blood in his veins run wild, responding to his touches, her wet warmth enveloping him. She was there when he drifted off to sleep that night, her head pressed against his chest, her naked heat pressed against his bare skin. She was there…

_How come this bed is still here, but she isn't? How come she isn't here? How come she isn't anywhere in this world?_

_How did she leave like that?_

He steps away. Unable to stand the idea of being on his marital bed when his wife had just lost her life. He looks around the room like a frantic. Everything looks just the same. He thinks the faint fragrance of her presence still lingers in the air.

_Her traces are still there, how can she not be?_

He looks at the door on the painted wall. It's all a lie. It's a fabricated story. It has to be. He drags himself to the door. Forcing his tired body to move.

_If I open this, she will be there. She will be there, immersed in her books. She will look up at me with her kind green eyes and ask, "You are back, my lord?"_

_Yes, she will be there. There is no way she would not._

With one stroke of his strong arm, Sasuke slides the door open. The vacant room greets him in silence. He stands there, unmoving. As if a statue made of stone.

His eyes fall upon the wooden shelf reaching up to the roof, holding her medicinal books. For a fraction of a moment, he thinks he sees the corner of a fabric there.

There she is! Just as he thought. Hiding behind the shelf, trying to play tricks on him.

"My lady!"

He scurries to the shelf. Almost stumbling onto the ground.

It's the curtain. A gorgeous, red silk curtain. He stares at the piece of fabric covering the large window.

A few moments later, he finally moves his gaze away. A feeling of tiredness overflowing every single cell of his body. His eyes fall upon the table across the room. And he strides towards it with shaking footsteps, as if possessed by some divine force.

There is a wooden box lying on the tabletop. A small box with intricate colourful patterns painted on it. With trembling hands, he picks it up and opens the lid.

It's a jewelry box. He recognises the belongings as gifts from himself. He touches a hairpin. He had picked it up because of the dark green jade on it. Hoping for it to bring out the beauty of her pastel hair and emerald eyes. And she had worn it while accompanying him to the festival. He still remembers. Her long pink hair held upon her head with this pin, the jade standing in stark contrast against her pale pink hair. A few loose strands of those cherry blossom tresses framing her face. Imparting her an elegant and soft appearance.

_Sakura…_

_She drowned. She drowned to death. It must have been agonising. She must have suffered a lot. She must have been terrified. _

_I should have been there. To save her, to help her. I should have been there._

_Why does this happen? I am the one with blood in his hands, I am the one who makes mothers lose their sons, makes wives lose their husbands, makes children lose their fathers. _

_She, was kind, she wanted to help people, to heal people, to save people. So why is it that I am still here and she isn't?_

_It should have been me. _

_My lady… I am sorry. I failed to protect you, to keep my promise. I failed to provide you with any comfort when you were suffering. I failed to shield you from the harshness of my own kin. I failed to be the husband you deserved. I failed you…_

Completely broken and devastated, he sinks to the ground, the jade hairpin clutched tightly in his hand, his head leaning against the table. His entire body shakes as he finally lets the pain frozen inside him melt away into tears.

* * *

**Note: **Chapter name is from **_Becoming Each Other's Tears_ **by **_Hyolyn_** and **_Park Seo Joon_** (it has a female and a male version)

While writing, I do not understand how much I manage to convey. I can never read my stories from a reader's POV, I have tried. It's when you guys let me know, that I am able to decide if I succeeded in doing what I was trying to do. So, thanks a lot for the kind reviews you left me.

Btw, did y'all watch yesterday's Boruto episode? That smile he gave her and the way he stood there watching her sleep. Not waking her up. I just (T_T)v

Also, it's December, the festive season. I hope you all have lots of fun. I always feel happy in December for some reason LOL.

Take care,

June 🎄🎁❤️

[16.12.2019]


	4. It's You, It's You, It's All For You

The air in the room appears thick. Laden with tension. Every smallest move anyone makes is perfectly measured. Including the simple act of breathing. As if otherwise it will demolish the hardly maintained equanimity of the closed room. Like a small rock suffices to disrupt the tranquility of an entire lake.

"So…" a woman speaks. Evidently making her voice sound deeper than it actually is. Even though she is in her forties, the gorgeousness in her features has not waned. For a moment, her black eyes scan the faces of the men and women at the exquisite wooden table. "Regarding the mourning-"

"Must we mourn someone like her?" a man with sunken cheeks and a nose like a parrot's beak interjects from across the table.

Not losing her composure, the woman asks back, "What do you mean?"

"She was one of the enemies." He makes no efforts to hide the disapproval in his voice.

This time, Itachi speaks, a stern look on his sharp face and his brows drawn together, "If I remember correctly, back when the accusation was first brought against her, Sasuke clarified that my late sister-in-law was not our enemy. She was related to them, yes. But she was _not_ one of them."

"I beg to differ, lord Itachi," with a side glance, the man eyes Sasuke, sitting at the head of the table. Before returning his gaze back to his elder brother. "With due respect, my lord insisted that his late wife was not involved with her brother's actions in any way. However, when asked by the council to provide evidence to back his claims, he failed to do so. Hence the decision to annul the marriage was made. Had she been proven innocent, the need to do so would not have arised."

Itachi opens his lips, in an attempt to intervene. However, the other man does not allow him.

"And when confronted about whether she was here to act as a spy, neither could she. If I would be allowed to speak my mind, I would dare say that it has always appeared somewhat suspicious to me how readily she agreed to the marriage annulment. It was my lord who seemed hesitant. But not her."

"If anyone would let me speak, as the eldest member of this council, who has been serving this clan since before lord Fugaku came to power," the man's voice almost shakes as he speaks, old age taking a toll on him, his hair completely white and face wrinkled enough to make his facial expressions unreadable, "I would ask my esteemed fellow council members to not dig into the past too much. Whatever has been done, cannot be undone. The decision to annul the marriage was made taking everything into consideration. Hence, it's no use bringing it up once again. Especially now that the accused is no longer alive to defend herself."

He pauses, takes in a deep breath and a sip of water from the porcelain tumbler in front of him.

"Whether or not she was a spy, the fact that she was married to our lord for three years, remains unchanged. And I would ask everyone to kindly keep in mind that she was still legally married to our lord when she passed away. Hence, she was still the lady of the prestigious Uchiha clan. Therefore, in my humble opinion, she deserves that respect."

Silence prevails in the room for a while.

"So, what do you suggest we do?" the other man questions. A look of dissatisfaction on his face.

"That, of course, remains the main concern. Her brother broke the treaty and attacked our territory. Quite naturally our people do not hold a high opinion of her. We cannot put her on the same pedestal with our past lords and ladies. We took a risk with this marriage, welcoming an outsider into the clan for the first time in history. To our misfortune, it did not turn out well."

"There will be no mourning."

At the clear and impassive words, all the faces turn to the young man sitting at the head of the table.

"Sasuke?" Itachi, seated to his immediate right asks with a tone of uncertainty.

But Sasuke does not look at his brother, nor does he look at anyone else at the table. His gaze is faraway, staring into nothingness, as if he's dreaming with his eyes open.

"No-one who detests her, needs to mourn her. Anyone who considers her with some respect can spare a prayer for her. That would be more than enough."

He could not force his people to accept her as one of their own. He cannot force them to grieve for her. He could try threatening them, but he cannot rein their hearts. If they harbour feelings of antagonism towards her, all he will accomplish is making them put on a false mask of despair.

And he is too tired for that.

_I am the one who lost her. Most likely I am the only one. And I will mourn her, for as long as I live._

"I have important matters to discuss."

His stance shifts, back straightened, gaze returning to the people around him, arms resting on the table's wooden surface.

"Word has already been sent to Shisui and Obito. Preparations are on the verge of completion. In five days time, we will ride for the Land of Earth."

Maybe he was not a good spouse, maybe he could not give her the love, the support, the comfort she needed. He does not deny it. It's a burden he will bear for the rest of his mortal life. He failed her in ways more than he can count with all his fingers. It was not a role he was either prepared or suited for. But…

A warrior is what he excels at being. A warrior is how the world recognises him. So, a warrior is what he will be.

_I will make you regret the moment you decided to invade the Land of Fire, Haruno Satoru._

* * *

"We mostly have the supplies I need to begin your treatment," there's a blunt noise as Tsunade places the empty bowl back on the table. "Therefore, if you consent to it, I can start next week. The sooner we do it, the better."

Kakashi's drooping eye studies the woman for a while. Yet to get accustomed to seeing her, a supposedly well-reputed healer, indulging in alcohol in the middle of the day.

"How long will it take for the entire process, may I ask?'' he picks up the small bowl in front of him and takes a sip of the fuming hot green beverage.

"I cannot be certain before I start, I have to observe the progress as it happens. But given the fact that quite a while has passed since the injury, I'm assuming around a year."

"That's... a long time…" Kakashi places the bowl back on the table.

"It is. As I have already told you, it's a difficult process. And I do not assure you of success."

"Please do not take offence. I am in no hurry. Neither am I hoping for a miracle. What I'm concerned about is…'' he turns his face to the younger woman sitting beside him. Silently listening to their conversation while holding her small bowl of tea in her palms.

She looks up at him, green eyes emitting a curious glow.

"If you want me to, I can take you to the village before my treatment begins. Lady Tsunade has asked me to refrain from moving distances while undergoing the therapy itself since it will delay the healing process."

Sakura blinks a few times, as if not understanding him the slightest. "The village?"

"The village in the Land of Lightning where I was supposed to take you that night. My arrangements were adequate. I have been absent for a while but I'm certain, if we go back there anytime soon, you will still have it. A place to stay, a work to support yourself. It won't be-"

"But you… won't be there… You will be here…"

"Yes." Kakashi's eyebrows furrow a little.

"I don't want to be all alone."

Her plea sounds almost desperate.

"I do not want to be all alone."

She still finds it difficult, coping with the drastic transformation her life underwent within such a short span of time. In the twinkle of an eye, she lost everything. She lost it all. Nothing was left. Nothing. It was as if the very ground she was standing upon disappeared all of a sudden. Throwing her into a bottomless dark pit.

She has been waking up in the middle of the night, haunted by vivid dreams about her past. To be greeted by an unfamiliar room. On a bed devoid of the warmth she had gotten accustomed to. It makes her dubious. It makes her question her sanity. What if a dream was all it was? Just figments of her imagination? What if she has always been here and all of it was just her mind playing tricks on her? It makes her feel panicked. And lonesome. And uncertain. And perturbed.

But when she is with Kakashi, it eases the restlessness in her heart to some extent. It almost sounds absurd. How he is her oldest acquaintance now, having known her for less than three weeks. But even though he was not familiar with her before, he still has some knowledge of her past. She can confide in him. He listens to her complaints, sometimes he consoles her, sometimes he doesn't. But what gives her comfort is the fact that he acknowledges her past. Asserting her that she is not insane. That she did not make it all up in her head. To her, conversing with him about her past has become a painful yet effective process of healing. It keeps her demons somewhat at bay.

Besides, he saved her life, risking his own.

In her not so long life, she has not known many who would have done that for her. Right now, at this chaotic point of her life, he is the only person she can rely upon.

"Can I stay here, Lady Tsunade?" she turns her face to the golden haired woman.

"That's for you to decide."

"Won't I be a hindrance? You will have another person to support."

"You needn't worry about that," she waves her hand, as if to dismiss her concern, "I might not look like it, but I can easily support a dozen people for months if I wanted to. I heal people, I am always prepared for situations like this. Sometimes healing is a long process. Therefore, if you wish for it, do not hesitate to stay here. Just lend me a hand when I ask you to, and that will suffice."

Her face lightens up. Even though only for a moment, she feels happy, truly happy for the first time in a long time.

"Thank you. I know it's nothing compared to you, but I myself have some knowledge about the art of healing. Mostly about the usage of medicinal plants."

"You do?"

"Yes. My husband allowed me to study. I used to have almost a library full of medicinal books. And I read them all."

She speaks cheerfully, as if an excited child showing off her new toy to a friend.

"You're married?" Tsunade's next words come abruptly. Without a warning.

It takes Sakura a few heartbeats as her mind processes the question, the chirpy demeanour slowly draining away from her.

"I…" all of a sudden, she finds herself unable to form speech. When it comes to that part of her life, there's so much she wants to say. The feeling is so overbearing, it almost makes her lose her mind. She finds herself clueless about how to possibly explain it without writing an entire prose.

"I… _was_ married…" her voice fades. Her head hangs, her shoulders slump.

Tsunade's amber eyes narrow a little. "No need to get worked up. I just asked. Whether you are married or not, it makes no difference to me." Pressing her palms against the table's surface, she gets up from the floor-cushion. "Anyway, I have work to do," she prepares to leave.

But halting after merely two steps, and without turning around, she speaks again, "I might ask questions. I do not mean to intrude. It has just become a habit of mine. Sometimes, simply making a conversation with a patient helps you understand them better. However, if I ask you a question you do not wish to answer, just say so. I am not one of those clan leaders you seem to have lived your life so far with. You are not obliged to obey me. As long as you're here, enjoy your freedom."

She turns around and strides towards the door with footsteps too firm for someone who just consumed an entire bottle of alcohol.

.

.

.

"Once you get back your ability to fight, maybe someday you will meet my husband in the battlefield," Sakura plucks one small leaf, eaten by bugs and discards it.

"If," Kakashi continues crushing the leaves in the mortar with the granite pestle.

"Why do you assume the worst? Have some hope," she offers him a smile.

"The way I see it," he lifts his face, pausing the work for a while, "I refuse to indulge in fantasies. I do not want to have my hopes up yet. Not when the treatment hasn't even begun."

"I will pray for your recovery." She tosses a fresh bud into the small cane basket.

"So that I can fight your husband someday?"

"I… That's not what I…" she lowers her gaze, "It feels so strange at times. Even his enemies can get a glimpse of him and I, even though I am… _was_ his wife for three years, I cannot."

"You left before your marriage could be annulled, so you still are his wife."

She chuckles, "I'm sure the council will beg to differ."

"I am not from the council," Kakashi shrugs nonchalantly, "Hence, in front of me, you can refer to him as your husband."

"Thank you."

"And… I do not believe even if I go back to the battlefield, I will ever meet Uchiha Sasuke."

"Why not?"

"I always have and will always only serve the Uzumakis in the Land of Wind."

Not understanding, she stares at him. Large green eyes painted with confusion.

"It appears that you are unaware."

"Unaware of what?"

"The Uchiha clan and the Uzumaki clan were founded around the same time. Back in those early days, they were very different from the eminent clans they are now. There were enemies, much stronger and leaving no stone unturned to eradicate the newly formed clans from the pages of history. That was when the founders, Uchiha Indra and Uzumaki Asura made the decision to join forces. For a while, they stayed together, helping each other in hardships, confronting enemies together, relying on mutual strength for surviving by themselves was deemed improbable. During those times, Uchiha Indra and Uzumaki Asura became sworn brothers. They trusted each other with their life. Later, when the clans finally parted ways, they vowed to never wield weapons against each other. And even though that was around three hundred years ago, not once has any of the leaders from either clan violated that oath. Never have they ever joined forces again. But still, attacking the other is not something they would prefer to do."

Kakashi stops to pour a few drops of a greenish oil from a small glass jar into the mortar.

"A few years back, when on the verge of getting vanquished by Uchiha Sasuke, Chinoike Chino reached out to Naruto for aid. But he turned her down. He did not intend to side with the enemies of the Uchiha. Back then, I was still in the Land of Wind, no longer a warrior but I was still one of his advisors."

"Uzumaki Naruto?"

"Yes. Son of Uzumaki Minato."

"I have heard tales of him… How he came to power when he was barely twelve years of age."

"Yes, back then there were concerns. We anticipated invasion attempts. But lord Minato had loyal people at his service, ready to lay down their lives for his sake. And they harboured similar sentiments towards his son as well. Besides, when Naruto assumed power, the Land of Wind was already one of the strongest nations. Those of us who have observed him from close proximities, we consider it an accomplishment that he successfully retained that status in spite of being burdened with responsibilities at such a young age. However, Naruto himself is very humble. He insists it was all because of the people who supported him. And…" Kakashi eyes the young woman sitting in front of him, busy sorting the freshly collected herbs; "He holds your husband in high regard, for what he has accomplished. Truth be spoken, he was somewhat elated that the Uchiha was finally reclaiming what was rightfully his. Returning honour to the name of the Uchiha clan."

Sakura halts the work at hand to look at him.

"And I have to concede, given what he has demonstrated, Uchiha Sasuke undoubtedly deserves the respect he receives. Even his biggest enemies are bound to applaud him behind closed doors. Following Uchiha Madara's death, for an entire century, they were invaded, again and again. Relentlessly. The Chinoikes were the ones who initiated it, but seeing how the Uchihas failed to defend themselves, others joined in. Your clan, the Harunos from the Land of Earth being the most prominent one. It started from the north and north-west, but soon enough the Uchihas had lost most of Land of Fire and were driven to the extreme south. It was painstakingly tragic that a clan that once used to be so prosperous, was grasping at straws to barely survive. When Chino declared war against Sasuke barely two weeks after he became the new clan head, everyone expected him to submit to her. When he marched to battle instead, undaunted, sword in hand, barely seventeen years old, people called it the suicide march. They called him insane. There was no doubt in anyone's mind that they were witnessing the historic end of a once-glorious ancient clan. It was only when no sign of victory for the Chinoikes were within sight after four months of incessant combats, that it started to draw the attention of people. And four more months later, it was clear as daylight the direction the battle was taking. Everyone was in disbelief. Chino herself is considered one of the finest warriors the Chinoikes have ever produced. Her skills with a sword were called unmatched. And yet, after almost an entire year on the battlefield, the one the goddess of victory smiled upon was not her. It was Uchiha Sasuke. The Chinoikes were driven out of Land of Fire for the first time in a century. Then in the span of another year, he reclaimed the rest of the land except for the part in the north-east that was occupied by the Harunos. And having already learnt their lesson, they did not repeat the mistake of underrating the young Uchiha. They agreed to leave Land of Fire peacefully and I believe it was because of his older age, your father might have been wary of him and feared him attacking the Land of Earth in the future. That was why he married you off to him."

"Indeed. Father was concerned about the future of the country. He did not believe my brother worthy enough to successfully govern a country. In his opinion, he lacked insight."

"I wholeheartedly believe it was unfair to you. Nonetheless, from a political viewpoint, his decision was wise. Uchiha Sasuke is a force to be reckoned with. However, it took me by surprise that once he gained back the entirety of Land of Fire, he never made an attempt to invade other lands. Given his battle prowess, had he tried, not many would have been able to stand up to him."

"The wars affect his people. He does not wish for them to suffer. He only wanted to take back what was snatched from them."

"He definitely is a great monarch. Wielding a sword is not the sole thing he excels at. He also possesses a sharp mind. Erecting the two defence towers in the north and north-west and dispatching general Shusui and general Obito to be on watch, it was a wise move. For example, when your brother attempted to invade Land of Fire, it was because general Shisui was there with his men, ready to ride to battle on a moment's notice, that Land of Fire suffered no damage. All the past invasions on the Uchihas have been through the north and north-west. And presently, with the north guarded by general Shusui, the north-west by general Obito, the south-west by the Land of Wind, the south by the river Kusanagi, the south-east by the Hokage mountains and the north-east by the forest of death; the entire Uchiha territory right now is effectively akin to an impregnable fortress."

"You seem very well-informed about the happenings of the Land of Fire," she gives him a smile while crooking a shapely pink eyebrow, "Should I be alarmed?"

"I am a man with a little too much time to spare. I enjoy keeping myself informed about the happenings of the lands. I'm barely expressing my opinion of your husband. Which happens to be quite high."

"I know," Sakura chuckles, "I just… I am concerned about him. Even though maybe I am not supposed to be anymore."

Kakashi's lone visible eye narrows a little as he watches her.

"But I do not hate it. It's one of the few things they can never force me to give up. They took away my rights to stay by his side but they cannot take away my rights to still hold him dear in my heart." She drops the last bud into the basket and stretches her arms, "It's finally over. I feel exhausted."

"You sure are acting like someone from an elite clan. So spoilt with luxury that even this much labour tires you."

"Why must you be so mean?" Sakura pouts, puffing her cheeks.

"If you want me to measure my words while conversing with you, I could do that, my lady."

"No," she giggles. "You remind me of the time when I was a little girl and getting into fights with my cousin brother. His name was Hajime. He was around the same age as me. We used to play together. People only ever saw us bickering but it was fun, you know? Being a girl child, I was ignored by my family most of the time. It might sound selfish of me, having grown up in luxury, attendants ready to serve me at my command. But I never felt acknowledged. It was as if it wouldn't have made much of a difference had I never been born in the first place. But my cousin, he was different. He would come visit me, he'd play with me, he'd bring me gifts. Like rocks from the river or branches of trees. He was the only son of my father's deceased younger brother. But then, there were accusations that his mother was conspiring against my father and brother, plotting for Hajime to be the next clan head. And they were exiled from the capital. They were put under house arrest in an estate in the remote countryside. I have never seen him ever again."

She smiles sadly.

"I was still very young when it all took place, but looking at it now, I believe it was my mother's doing. She framed my aunt and Hajime because she felt threatened. He was younger than my brother but was a better fighter and excelled at his lessons. My father often voiced his concern about how my brother was lacking. And maybe that was why my mother saw Hajime as a potential threat and had him removed from her son's path. Because power is a strange thing. It makes people reveal their darkest, ugliest sides. You think people care, and they do. But only as long as you are not obstructing their way to power."

Tears start pooling at the corners of Sakura's glassy green eyes.

"When the council brought up the proposal to annul our marriage, I consented to it. Too readily. To their surprise. To my husband's surprise. To my own surprise. Because I feared if my husband tried to side with me any longer than he already had, his position as the clan head could have been in jeopardy. I did not wish for that to happen. But it was also because I feared he would do it first if I didn't. I am not delusional enough to imagine he would put me above his clan. The very reason he even married me was to secure the future of his clan. I knew my place very well. And for once in my life, I wanted to be the one to make the decision. It was childlike, I am aware. But at least I could pretend like it was a choice and not a compulsion."

"You two, are you done?" Shizune's face appears at the door. Bringing their conversation to an abrupt end. "Dinner is ready."

* * *

"Shisui will strike directly from the south," Sasuke's finger traces the boundary of Land of Fire and Land of Earth on the large fabric map splayed on the table. "And the rest of us will advance to the north through the forest, concealing our movements as much as we can afford to."

"I expect him to send Kazuo to hold Shisui back. Satoru himself rarely has any battle skills. Even when he invaded Land of Fire, Kazuo was the real one leading the army. Satoru was the commander only for appearance's sake. Hence, I do believe he will send Kazuo while he himself will stay back at the capital."

Sasuke's eyes travel to the three other men in the small room.

"Once Shusui has successfully lured Kazuo to the south, Obito, you will reveal yourself, making your appearance in the battlefield from the north. Kazuo is a great warrior who has my respect. However, if surrounded by Shisui in the south and Obito in the north, even he cannot come out victorious."

"He could not advance past my men when Satoru attacked us," Shisui crosses his arms over his chest with a tinge of pride in his voice, "With Obito to aid me this time, not a chance."

"However, I ask you to not underestimate the enemy," Itachi speaks from his brother's side, his thin brows drawn together, black eyes reflecting the yellowish light of the oil lamps. "Disasters do happen."

"We are not," this time it's Obito who answers. "The battle isn't over until it's over. Isn't that how we have made it this far? It would be obnoxious of us if we forgot it after all this time. No matter how weakly the opposition appears, we won't lower our guard. Rest assured."

"Good."

"So, I entrust Obito and Shisui with Kazuo," Sasuke continues, "Itachi and I will continue advancing farther into the north, towards the capital. With only Satoru to defend it." His dark gaze fixes itself upon his brother. "Even though I truly wish you would not get involved in this."

"Like I always say, Sasuke. Do not treat me like I'm a dead man before I am. I am completely capable of fighting."

"It deteriorates your health. Faster." Sasuke sounds agitated.

"Physically, yes. It does," Itachi turns his upper body towards his younger brother, "However, if I let you march to this feast of blood by yourself, do you think it would be any less detrimental for me? Do you think I would be able to pass a single peaceful moment knowing you are out there? Putting your life on the line? And in case, the worst happens, do you really believe I would be able to forgive myself? I'd rather die than stay alive, blaming myself for not being there to protect you."

"You-"

"Listen, Sasuke," Itachi's voice is firm, "I still remember the day you were born. The first time I held you, you were so small, wrapped up in a blanket, sleeping peacefully, it alarmed me. You were so vulnerable, and yet you weren't even aware. And as your elder brother, I promised myself that I would make sure to not let any harm come to you."

"I no longer am a little boy incapable of defending myself."

"You are not. However, I still am your elder brother and I still hold onto that promise. And now, with mother and father both gone, it is entirely my responsibility to secure your safety. You might be a revered clan leader feared by nations, but to me, you will always be my younger brother."

Two pairs of onyx black eyes challenge each other. The silence lingers, lasting a little longer than what should be considered comfortable.

"Anyway," Obito stands up from his chair, placing both his palms onto the painted fabric on the table, "Sasuke and Itachi, you two will head towards the capital and capture Satoru."

"And by any chance, if Satoru accompanies Kazuo to face Shisui," Sasuke gets up as well, "In that case, Itachi and I will accompany Obito, attacking them from the north."

"We must win," Shisui proclaims in a firm voice, his glowing dark eyes fixed on the map.

"Let me remind you once again," Sasuke stands tall, straightening his back, the authoritativeness in his voice could easily be mistaken for arrogance had he not been the head of an esteemed clan, "Capture him alive. At any cost. I want Satoru alive."

"Of course," Obito mutters.

.

.

.

Sasuke's eyes narrow, as if looking through every single cell of the man in front of him. His arms chained behind his back, kneeling down onto the rough ground, the protruding rocks drawing blood from his knees. His body is covered with mud, sweat and blood. Mostly of others for he himself did not spend long enough time on the battlefield to shed his own. His eyes are red, a shadow of panic covering his entire face. He looks up at the taller man looking down at him.

"Why did you raid Land of Fire?" Sasuke's voice is calm and ominous enough to send a chill down Haruno Satoru's spine. Almost making him lose his sanity.

"WHY," this time, Sasuke puts a little more emphasis on the word, "Did you try to invade my land?"

"To gain back what was ours. Why else?"

"Yours?" Sasuke's eyebrows furrow, "The Land of Fire belongs to the Uchiha clan."

"And yet for almost an entire century, you could not defend it and ran to the corner like dogs with your tails between your legs."

The Uchiha leader inhales. A deep breath, urging himself to not lose his calm. To refrain himself from committing an impetuous act.

"Answer wisely for on your answers lies your fate. Trying to rile me up would not work in your favour, Haruno Satoru."

Satoru laughs, like a frantic.

"You Uchiha dog, you think too highly of yourself. Just because you won a few battles?"

Sasuke frowns.

"To think my father gave up the land that had belonged to us for six decades, threatened by the likes of you. And yet he had the audacity to question my abilities as a clan leader. Unlike him, I am brave."

"What you call bravery, many would call it stupidity. Besides," Sasuke's voice is dripping with malice, "I do not think you have any right to call yourself brave when you always seem to push your general to face the enemies while you yourself stay safe in his shadows. When I planned this attack, I predicted that you would send Kazuo while yourself remaining in the safety of the capital. But at least, I had expected you to put up some fight. Like a true leader would for his people."

"What do you want, Uchiha? Did you attack my country and capture me to blather about nothing in the middle of nowhere?"

Sasuke falls silent for a while, observing the bizarre conduct of the chained man in front of him with wonder.

"The reason I wanted to have a word with you, just between the two of us…"

The yellow haired man looks up at his captor.

"You knew we… I had your sister. You knew what consequences your reckless actions were going to bring upon her. And yet, you attacked my territory, breaking our treaty. Endangering her life."

"What are you trying to imply, Uchiha?"

His captive's behaviour leaves Sasuke bewildered.

"How could you put her in harm's way?"

"You are the man I detest the most in this world. You expect me to be concerned about your wife's safety?"

_And it is me that is called a monster?_

"She was your sister." Sasuke snarls, losing his composure for the first time.

"And she was warming your bed," he spits on the ground, his tone saturated with extreme contempt for the man standing tall in front of him, "I have no consideration for the wife of my greatest enemy."

There's a moment's silence and the reflection of the mid-day sun on the blade of an unsheathed sword before a there is a sudden splash of dark crimson against the dusty background.

Holding his breath, Itachi observes from the distance. Sasuke standing still, his eyes on the lifeless body in front of him, blood spattering his face, his right hand holding the silver hilt of the sword with an iron-grip.

Fresh red blood gushes out of the open wound of the corpse, coating the ground. And a few vultures keep flying in circles in the vast dry summer sky up above them.

* * *

**Note:** Chapter name is from **_Video Games_** by _**Lana Del Rey**. _In last chapter, someone said the names of the chapters are good and that was when it occurred to me that I need to mention they're all song lyrics.

I don't like descriptions of fight scenes, hence there was none. And I kinda have a map in my head. If you want me to draw it and share it with you, please tell me. I feel like with everything I've included in here, things can be a little too confusing.

And please only read my fics on ffnet site or the official app, or on AO3 itself, or by downloading them from AO3. Please do not use any app or any other platform that steals fics, that the writers have put on the internet for free, and makes money out of those. I write because it makes me happy and it makes me even happier when people enjoy my stories. So I will continue writing even if my fics get stolen like this. But I definitely don't appreciate this. So, if you like my stories, kindly don't help those scumbags profit from my work.

With lots of love,

June ❤️

[18.02.2020]


	5. Your Handprints On My Soul

He breathes in, long and deep. Letting the air sink far into his navel. Urging himself to not lose his composure. His face remains entirely vacant, all his sentiments restrained within the depths of his mind. In the period of one heartbeat, his piercing dark gaze brushes over the faces of the other three occupants of the camp. As if measuring them quickly. However, none of their faces betray what is brewing in their heads either, their eyes fixed still on him. Waiting for him to make his move.

"Whatever transpired, was utterly regrettable," his deep voice echoes in the camp.

The older woman watches him, her green eyes evaluating his words, as if to comprehend how sincere they are. However, her assessments do not show up on her face.

"I had not intended for our next meeting to take place under these circumstances."

His mother-in-law sits there. Clad in pale peach coloured multi layered silk clothing, embellished with innumerable tiny pearls and golden threads. Her blonde hair tied into a complicated hairdo and decorated with pearl and gold hairpins. Her face is covered with fine wrinkles. However, she does not appear aged, but aristocratic. With her sharp facial features, high cheekbones and burning gaze that is not intimidated to meet Sasuke's, her stance exuding pride. She does not voice a word, or make a move, she just sits there motionless. Looking like an immaculate painting by a master artist.

The hanging oil lamps sway in the strong wind, making the shadows dance on the red silk walls.

"However, I want to assure you, I have _no_ intentions of obtaining your land."

For the very first time, an indication of a furrow makes its appearance between the Haruno clan leader's thin brows.

"I do not wish to dishonour my late wife," he looks her straight in the eye. Her appearance is nothing like her daughter's. However, her eyes have the same shade of green. And they distract him for a moment, flashing a thousand images in front of his eyes, stabbing at the yet to start healing wound in his heart…

_Now is not the time. I have the rest of my life left for that._

He straightens his posture, compelling his tired eyes to not lose focus. Fatigue is starting to dig into him, trying to pull him into a slumber. Now that he has achieved his purpose, now that the impulse has been taken care of, his body screams in exhaustion. He wishes, he desperately wishes he could go back. To his home, his room, his bed. To her. Just the sight of her, asleep on their bed, was enough to heal him. Her deep breathing had a miraculous calming effect on his nerves. And his heart bleeds as he reminds himself once again that he won't be seeing her again in this life. Never.

"You may keep your land," he speaks the words with a little excess emphasis, trying to make sure his voice doesn't shake. Earning a frown from his elder brother seated to his right. "For that was never the purpose of my pursuit."

He pauses for a moment. His eyes on her, his voice firm. Neither arrogant not remorseful.

"From the very beginning, my sole ambition was to reinstate the lost glory of my clan, not to seize what rightfully belongs to others. Had your son not attempted to invade my land, I never would have attacked Land of Earth. "

Because that was what sowed the seed. Of this destructive storm that overthrew his life out of balance. Turning it into a chaotic disorder.

_It will never be the same again._

"Hence, you can keep the Land of Earth. I only came here to confront Satoru for breaking our treaty."

And it bewilders him how profusely the word stings him. Referring to his marriage with Sakura as a _treaty_ overwhelms him with agony and shame. And it's ironic. Because that was precisely what it was.

Or at least what it was supposed to be.

"On daybreak, I will be returning to Land of Fire with my men. And I have every intention of respecting our truce henceforth. Unless you initiate an attack on my land, I promise never to wield a weapon against you. Because your clan is the clan of my late wife."

"Do you... truly mean what you say?"

Her voice is sharp. And cold. And mechanical. Without the slightest trace of emotions.

"Of course I do. After all," his gaze doesn't falter as it meets hers, "It was not me who broke this treaty." He reminds her, while maintaining civility so as to not come out as hostile.

Her brows furrow a little. Her huntress-like feline eyes on him. The middle aged man by her side, her advisor, attempts to open his mouth. But she lifts her right hand, without even looking at the man, dismissing his opinion before it can even be voiced.

"Very well," a smile appears on her painted thin lips, "I am a proud person. I never rely upon charity to obtain what I desire for. I _make_ it happen with my own power. However, in our current circumstances, that is not a possibility. We have already been vanquished. Hence, if you would be generous enough to grant us our land back, we can only accept it humbly. You have my heartfelt gratitude."

She bows her head. And Sasuke returns the gesture.

"With your permission, I will be taking my leave now."

Without waiting for his approval, she gets up from the silk cushion. With a majestic grace that Sasuke doesn't remember Sakura to possess. But that was what he admired about her. She was never trying to be anything but who she was. She was real and raw. She was the daughter of an elite clan leader and the wife of another. Yet, she was the humblest person he ever knew. There was an inherent elegance in her. But it was far from vanity.

"Also, like I have promised, you can take your son's remains. After all, he was a respected clan leader. He deserves an interment suited for one."

She turns around, "I appreciate everything you have bestowed upon me. I vow to never forget your generousity."

Her advisor, walking a step ahead of her, lifts the flap of the camp, and she walks out. Head held high, footsteps steady and regal, not turning back again.

* * *

"Is this to your liking?" The man turns around, the brush with the leftover paint still in his hand. His black gaze questioning her.

"Yes! That is precisely what I was hoping for," Sakura smiles brightly. "Thank you, Sai. I think I can do the rest myself."

The man takes a step back. Watching as she walks back to the wall, clutching the brush once again. Dipping it into the red paint.

"I will take the liberty to return home for now. I promised to help my wife with the flowers. Do not hesitate to call me if you mess up once again."

Sakura turns her face, watching her neighbour with narrowed eyes. Trying to figure out whether his words were to intended to mock her. Then, she returns her focus back to the work at hand. Busying herself painting red flames with confident strokes of the brush.

"Am I allowed to know what this painting signifies?"

Kakashi walks into the room. A stick to support himself since one of his legs is packed with wooden planks now. Restricting the freedom of movement.

"Why do you assume it signifies something?" She does not look his way.

"I may not be an artist myself but I have seen enough arts in my lifetime to be able to distinguish when an art is meant to depict a story. Besides, the excess use of red, orange and yellow, the flames, there are many legends involving the Uchihas and fire."

Sakura stops painting, turning to see him with an amused look on her face.

She takes a few steps back, to look at the still in progress artwork from a distance.

"They say they have the blessing of the Sun Goddess."

"That's an interesting claim."

A soft laugh escapes Sakura.

"It's an old legend. It is said that when Uchiha Indra turned seventeen, he was caught by an unknown illness. A very severe illness that was about to claim his life. Desperate, his mother went to the Hokage mountains. She climbed the mountain by herself, to arrive at the spot where the first rays of the sun touch the ground. She prayed to the goddess for her son's life. She prayed for his health and prosperity. And shortly afterwards, Uchiha Indra miraculously recovered. He lived a long life and established the prestigious Uchiha clan."

"And the common belief is that it's because of the goddess?"

"Yes. There are legends about his mother bringing back a holy fire, a ray from the sun itself, as a blessing from the goddess. This painting depicts the goddess, manifesting herself and giving away that holy fire."

She watches the painting in silence for a while.

"This used to be painted on the wall of my bedchamber back there in the Uchiha estate."

She walks back to the wall, resuming painting.

"There is a custom among the Uchihas. When a child turns seventeen, the mother goes to that place on the mountain to pray for their health and prosperity. There is a shrine."

She dips the brush into the liquid paint in the earthen pot.

"My husband's father and mother, the late lord and lady, that was how they lost their life. They had gone to the shrine to pray for my husband. Often in affluent families, both parents go for the prayer, with offerings for the goddess. However, there was a land-slide. They never returned."

"…That… was unfortunate."

"Unfortunate indeed," she carefully draws one long stroke in bright crimson, "There are some among the Uchihas who say the goddess denied my husband her blessing."

"Superstition is a strange thing."

Sakura pulls the brush away from the wall.

"What do you think?"

"I have not seen the original artwork. However, it looks appealing. The bright colours and the detailed line works."

She sits down on the ground, staring at the painting as she prepares to tidy up.

"You know, I went to the market today. Lady Tsunade needed some herbs."

"I am aware."

"A man, must have been in his early thirties. He approached me. He called me lady Sakura and thanked me for saving his son's life." She dips the brushes into a bowl of water. "I told him I did not do anything other than lending a hand to lady Tsuande, but he thanked me still. He said he won't ever be able to repay my debts," she smiles. "And I realised."

"What?"

"Do you remember that conversation we had shortly after we arrived here? About finding a purpose in life?"

"I do recall it now."

"I think I might have found mine. I do not mind spending the rest of my days doing this. If I can help people, if I can be of some use to anyone in this world, that would be enough for me. I no longer am Haruno Sakura or Uchiha Sakura. No renowned clan's weight is upon my shoulders anymore. I am only Sakura now. Sakura who heals people. This feels very liberating."

"That is reassuring to know."

"I have come to accept it by now. The nightmares have become rarer, the pain has subsided to some extent. It still hurts. Of course it does. But it no longer drives me insane like it once used to. Hence, I am hopeful."

She gets up. Brushes and bowls and rugs in hand. And turns to look at the painting once again.

"However, I want to keep something. Something that reminds me of that phase of my life which did not last long enough. This art will play that part. Every time I look at it, I will remember my bedchamber back there in Land of Fire. I will remember my marriage, not that I ever forgot. I will remember the time I spent there by his side. Because it was real. It did happen to me and it made me who I am today."

"You do have a completely different disposition now. You no longer look like someone detached from life."

"Thank you, Kakashi. For being there by my side and giving me hope. I would not have made it without you."

"No," he shakes his head, "I did nothing. You are strong. Always have been. I just reminded you of that when you were forgetting."

A smile appears on her thin pink lips.

.

.

.

Her green eyes glow in the semi-darkness as she watches the artwork in the dim light of the lamp. Her left arm folded under her head. The paint is yet to dry. She smiles in satisfaction as it appears almost identical to the one she got familiar with while waiting for her husband to return to their bedchamber every night. And suddenly, she misses him on her side. And there is this pain, digging at her heart once again. She puts her arms around her small body in an attempt to comfort herself and a few drops of tears escape her eyes, rolling down her cheeks and getting soaked by the pillow.

_How are things in Land of Fire?_

It is not her homeland that occupies her heart. Even though they never accepted her as their own, even though they never thought of her as an important figure, she still came to love that land, she still came to care for the people there. Who had suffered for almost a century before finally being rescued by the hands of her formidable husband. She remembers that old lady who used to sell flowers. And every year when Sasuke would bring her to the harvest festival, she would give Sakura a bouquet of cherry blossoms, pink like her hair. And regardless of how hard Sakura tried to, she would vehemently refuse to accept money from her. She would say it was her gift. For the lord's wife. And she would tell Sakura about the days bygone. How they were barely surviving. The land near the river was fertile and there was fish in the water. Therefore, they still had food on their plate. However, the mercury of anxiety was rising as they feared how long they could survive that way. Since all their earnest efforts to drive away the enemies from the land went in vein. Despair was engulfing them bit by bit. The late lady Uchiha, Sakura's mother-in-law, was an excellent archer. Before the birth of her children, she used to accompany her husband on the battlefield. But after Itachi was born, she chose to devote herself into motherhood only. However, she trained him. Itachi's famed skill in archery, it's his mother's legacy. Sasuke's sword skills on the other hand are from his father. There were voices, about the futility of training them battle skills now that the clan was on the verge of extinction. People suggested maybe they should be taught farming and fishing instead. Since those days these skills were considered more crucial for survival.

"I wish lord and lady Uchiha were alive," the old flower lady would wipe the tears away from her wrinkles face. "I wish they could see what their sons have achieved."

Sakura would try to console her, wrapping her arms around the old woman.

"You are kind. Very much like the late lady Uchiha."

A smile makes its way to Sakura's lips as she recalls those words. Those were the moment when she had felt most accepted in this foreign land that was supposed to be her home now.

She thinks of the mother-in-law she never had the pleasure to meet. What would she think of her? Would she approve of her or would she not?

Unlike Kakashi, she does not see the harm in letting her mind wander a bit. She thinks of her life there.

_How are you doing my lord?_

And of the man she still considers her husband. Even though she knows that by now, he must be calling another woman his wife.

It's not that the thought does not make her heart twist in pain, the idea of another woman in the arms of the man she gave her heart to. But she is only human. She can fight, she can fight all she wants, but in the end, she has to give in. There is no escape from reality.

Hence, she has decided to not think about the events that invoke feelings of agony in her. She avoids them cautiously, like an old scar that never heals. Careful not to touch it lest the pain gets unleashed.

Instead, she only reminisces the happy memories. She plays them in her mind, over and over again until she can trick her mind away from the painful reality of her present life.

She thinks about that one time, around a year post their marriage. Sasuke had abruptly stopped coming to bed at night. He was still as distant as the day of their marriage. Not sharing with her any aspect of his life, they exchanged few words, mostly out of obligation. He always came to bed late, and left in the early hours of dawn. And yet, opening her eyes in the morning, she could feel him in the creases of the bed-sheet, in his scent in the pillow. Making her blush. She was no longer afraid of him, already having discovered his true self under the exterior of a heartless warrior. And slowly, she was starting to lose her heart. It was a completely unfamiliar feeling, something she had never experienced before. It was starting to infest her heart and soul. However, those days, without any notice, he stopped coming to her altogether. One night and another and another. And another. It started to alarm her. Her mind by default started to surmise the worst. Had he found place in someone else's bed instead? Was that the reason he never made any efforts to be intimate with her even a year past their marriage? Did he not see her as a wife but merely as an embodiment of a political treaty? What was she supposed to do?

She held onto the exquisite jade hairpin he had gifted her. She had worn it when they went to attend the harvest festival together. Seeing that pin, the lustrous green jade there, the way it looked like it was a perfect match for her rose hair and emerald eyes, she had hoped against hope that maybe, maybe, he did see something in her? That maybe he did have some interest in her the way a man is supposed to have interest in his wife? But now that all her dreams and hopes came crumbling into dust all of a sudden, helpless and lonely and miserable, she cried. Holding that pin in her hand. Wondering if that was only a meaningless gesture after all. A mere formality. Maybe he hadn't even chosen it himself. Maybe he had just sent someone else to buy it. It was only rational. He was busy clan leader. Did he even have time to go search the market for a hairpin to suit her? What was she thinking? Her marriage was nothing but a political contract.

Naoko had found her there, crying in the corner. Face tucked into her knees, the hairpin clutched in her hand. She had felt extremely embarrassed. To be found by her attendant like that. She refused to disclose anything to her. But Naoko just sat there, comforting her, refusing to leave her side. In the end, Sakura confessed. Not about the chaos in her heart but about the lingering suspicion in her mind about her husband having found himself another woman to exercise his husbandly commitments with. Only to find out he was busy dealing with an unrest in the north-west. The Chinoike clan was not ready to sit quiet. The watch tower was not complete yet. The situation were a little strained. Apparently, her husband was busy with that matter. As was his brother and all the eminent people in the clan.

She felt very ashamed but relieved at the same time. From that day, she made it a point to visit the kitchen everyday. To make sure the food was nutritious enough. She did not cook, she did not dare to do something she was not supposed to do, she was afraid to cross the line, but she wanted to give her all to make sure his health did not deteriorate during that difficult time.

Few weeks later, one night, as she turned in her sleep, she bumped against something. Drowsiness gone, her eyes widened. To find her husband there, deep asleep, his face only inches away from her, his breath kissing her skin, his familiar scent invading her senses. Sending her heart racing. She wanted to put her arms around his broad shoulders, pulling him into an embrace, welcoming him back. But she could not. She could not. Instead, she snuggled closer to him, pretending to be asleep. Her face getting heated up at her small surreptitious act.

Sakura turns her face to look at her side. The empty space greets her view. It's a humble one-person bed on the floor, unlike the old bed she used to share with him in the Uchiha estate. It's a different room. Everything is different now.

A sigh escapes her.

She thinks of her neighbours. The young couple. Around the same age as her. Ino grows and sells flowers and Sai is a painter. They are so in love, she can see it from the way they look at each other. She is happy for them of course, but in the deepest darkest nook of her heart she also envies them to some extent. She wishes she could have that love. Had she not been born in a prestigious clan, had she not met him under the circumstances that she did, if they were just two people, only a man and a woman, no names and titles shackling them, could she have had that love?

But if she did not have that title, would he even spare her a glance?

Her mind keeps wandering inside the labyrinth, concocting a million questions that she knows she won't ever find the answers to before finally drifting off to sleep.

* * *

"Two months have passed. And the council has finally begun to discuss it."

"Discuss what?" Sasuke looks at his elder brother, seated on the porch. Watching him from the distance.

"Your next bride."

As if suddenly losing his interest, Sasuke goes back to watering the plants. She is no more. However, these plants, this garden still is. And he wants to protect it with all his might. He tends to the plants the first thing in the morning and in the afternoon after the sun has sunken below the horizon. Watering them, cleaning the weeds, raking the soil, adding fertilisers from time to time.

"They will bring it up soon."

Sasuke still does not reply.

"I only want you to be prepared."

"Prepared for what?"

"For the inevitable."

Sasuke's eyes narrow.

"I will _not_ take another wife."

"Then what will happen of the clan? One of us must have an heir. It cannot be me."

There's a pause. The soothing wind of the early evening blows in, ruffling the leaves of the plants.

"Do you miss her still?"

Itachi looks at him as if electrocuted.

"Why are you bringing her up all of a sudden?"

"Brother, you have taught me many lessons in my life. And one of them was this," he turns around, facing his brother, meeting his gaze with confidence, "When someone answers a question with another question, it is because they do not want to answer the question they have been asked."

Itachi remains seated there, motionless like a statue. Sasuke takes a step towards him.

"Tell me, did you succeed in erasing her out of your heart?"

"I…" his brother hangs his head, "Never tried to."

There's silence. Except for the sound of a lost bee flying nearby.

"After all, memories are all I have left."

Sasuke turns away from his brother, watching the sky in the west, painted in red.

"She used to fear me."

Itachi lifts his face. A small frown on his forehead.

"I understood why. I was a stranger. An enemy. I am well aware of my infamous reputation. Always have been. And it never bothered me. Until... Getting married to me was like being thrown into lion's den for her."

He sighs.

"I thought I would convey it to her. With my actions. Words have been never been my forte to begin with. I was in no hurry. I thought I had time."

"Don't we all?" a bitter smile plays on Itachi's lips, "And that is perhaps the biggest mistake."

"At least you know she lives. She is in good health. While my wife…"

"But Sasuke, I also know how much pain I have inflicted upon her. It's a burden I have to carry for the rest of my life. I have said things to her that I can never forgive myself for. Can you imagine how excruciating it must have been for her? When I told her I cannot be with her because she is not a pureblood and hence not suited to be the partner of the clan's next lord?"

Sasuke watches his brother in silence.

"The reason we became close was because as children, we were both outcasts. Me, for being the lord's son and her, for being of mixed blood. Everyone used to look down upon her, treat her like she was inferior. I was the one who never did. And yet, in the end..."

"Why did you not tell her the truth? It would have saved her the pain."

"Do you believe she would have agreed to leave my side had she known? Never!" he shakes his head, starting to lose his composure, "Had I told her about my illness, she would have refused to leave me under any circumstances. That's how Izumi was. She never would have left me."

He hides his face in his palms. Suddenly sounding tired, exhausted.

"I could not do that to her. I… have no future, I see the dark shadow of death lingering upon me every single moment of my life. I could not give her that life. I wanted her to find someone else. Someone who would at least be by her side till the end of her days. But…"

"In certain ways, they are so similar. Don't you think?" Sasuke chuckles as he walks to his brother. "Both of them left in the end. They left us."

He sits down on the porch. Leaving ample distance in between.

"You and I, we both got left behind."

"I can never forgive myself."

"Neither can I," Sasuke shakes his head, "There are so many things I did wrong. So many things I could have done better. Do you know what her brother said when I asked him why he tried to invade Land of Fire knowing I had his sister?"

Itachi remains silent. It's a subject Sasuke has always refused to discuss. And he never pushed him. To see him abruptly bring it up by himself, he does not quite understand what an appropriate response should be.

"He said he did not care about his enemy's wife. _His enemy's wife_. She was his sister, his own blood. But to him, she was only the wife of an enemy he resented. That's how her life was. To one side, she was the enemy's wife. To the other, she was the enemy's sister. Neither side saw her as their own. She had no-one. She was all alone."

_And I never had any clue. Even though I was her husband. Even though I was supposed to be her partner. I failed to see it. By the time I finally did, it was already too late._

"I will _not_ take another wife. Because I already have one."

"The council will make a chaos."

"They will. But it was _me_ who drove the Chinoikes out of the Land of Fire at the age of eighteen. _I_ am the one who gave people their land, their glory, back. I am the leader of this clan and in my own rights. I do not abuse my authority but if they believe they can bend me to their will as they please, they are gravely mistaken."

He watches as the sky starts to darken slowly, another day departing, another night approaching. Another solitary night to be spent in his, _their_ bedchamber.

There are things he never confided in his brother about. Like how the small black jacket, the emblem of the Uchiha clan embroidered on it with silver threads, the one he recognised as the one he had put on her at their wedding, how that jacket was the sole content of Sakura's mud stained bag that was recovered from the river. Giving rise to innumerable questions. Questions that invade his mind when he stares at the empty spot by his side on the bed at night. Keeping him awake till the late hours.

He tries to find solace in the thoughts of afterlife. It makes the pain tolerable to some extent. To think she is somewhere, instead of nowhere. He believes she is there, and one day when his time finally comes, better sooner than later, he will reunite with her there and ask for her forgiveness.

And yet, panic starts to gnaw at his heart, telling him he might not be allowed to go where she is. For she was pure, untainted, a kind soul with a healing touch. While he is the manifestation of evil, bringing forth destruction with bloodstained hands.

_Shall I not be able to see you ever again?_

_Is that the price I have to pay for my sins? _

* * *

Tsunade enters the room, a porcelain plate containing sliced peaches in her hand. She finds her newest apprentice there at the table. However, she has fallen asleep. The book opened in front of her, black letters scribbled on the yellowish pages. Her small face tucked in the fold of her elbow, untied pink hair which has gotten longer in the past three months splayed all over the book and the table like serpents taking over. Her breathing has gotten deeper. Her back rising and falling slowly.

Tsunade stands there, watching her for a while. A gentle smile appearing on her lips. She puts the plate on the table, careful to not make a noise. Then leaves the room with silent footsteps. Only to return shortly. With a lightened incense stick in her hand. She places it in the corner of the room, the sweet aroma of sandalwood and some herbs filling up the space.

"...Lady Tsunade?"

The golden haired woman turns around?

"Did I wake you? I was only trying to put the mosquito repellent here."

"Ah. Please don't worry about it," Sakura shakes her head. Tsunade sees the creases on her cheek. She indeed was deep asleep. "I was supposed to study anyway. Not sleep." She smiles guiltily.

"If you are tired, you should rest. You cannot push your body beyond its limits. As a healer, I thought that was preliminary knowledge." She narrows her honey coloured eyes as she sits down on the mat by the rose haired girl's side.

"I…" Sakura smiles a little. Looking at the peaches on the plate.

"I brought it for you. Now that you're awake, eat." She pushes the plate towards Sakura. "It's really sweet. You'll like it."

"Th-thank you," with a shy smile, Sakura picks up a slice. She takes one bite, her pearl like teeth cutting into the juicy flesh of the fruit. "It's so sweet!"

"Ino gave me these. It's from their garden."

"I must thank her later."

"I already did. I think you should focus your time on your studies instead."

"I apologise for falling asleep, lady Tsunade. I promise it won't happen again." Sakura pushes the plate away.

"You only ate two pieces."

"It's way too sweet."

Tsunade narrows her eyes. Her painted lips pressed into a thin line.

"I feel so spoilt in here. Everyone else is so hard-working. But I seem to get exhausted at the smallest things. And I know no-one holds it against me. However, I don't want to be like that. Yes, I grew up in luxury, I am not accustomed to labour. However, I _can_ work. I will work hard and prove to you that accepting me as your apprentice was not a mistake." She ties her hair into a knot in a hurry and pulls the book closer, turning the page to check the contents of the previous page.

"Sakura?" Tsunade's voice is calm like she didn't hear all her rambling, extremely calm as her amber eyes meet Sakura's jade gaze. As if trying to look for something in those green depths. Something that does not quite meet the eye.

"Y-yes, lady Tsunade?" her intruding gaze wavers Sakura's confidence for some reason. The calm in her eyes look like the premonition of a storm.

"That day you were brought here, I was the one who changed your clothes."

Sakura blinks. Not understanding the implication.

"I have seen the marks on your body."

Her cheeks turn crimson in a moment. A fire spreading through them.

"I- I-" she casts her gaze down, looking at her lap, fingers fumbling with a loose thread escaping the sleeve of her robe. Trying to fight her embarrassment as she wonders why she suddenly brought that up after all this time.

"Hence I think I need to take into consideration the fact that you have been here for over three months now. And yet, you have not bled even once."

Tsunade's voice is flat, there is no hint of any human emotion there. She speaks like she is talking about the weather, calm and composed. Just her eyes fixed on the younger woman holding a certain something, something much deeper and sincere.

Sakura's gaze scurries up. At her master. A few moments pass just like that. Neither speaks a word, Sakura feels like her heart does not beat, like her breathing has halted, like time has come to a standstill.

And yet, her mind runs unhindered. Faster than the fastest winds, as she processes Tsunade's words… Her words… Those words…

And automatically, as if like an instinct, her hand travels down. Resting on her abdomen.

Her heart starts to throb violently inside her rib-cage, the racing beats ringing in her ears, her green eyes go wide, her lips part in surprise as her mind finally solves the puzzle.

* * *

**Note:** Chapter name is from **_End Game_** by _**Taylor Swift ft. Ed Sheeran, Future**_.

So, everyone who guessed she was going to be pregnant, standing ovation!

Also, I drew the map and I'll post it on my tumblr (masami-aomame). Check the hashtag #eclipselayouts.

And, just wanted to make this clear, you guys are not obliged to write me reviews. No matter what others say, I myself value every single reader, I don't believe I'm entitled to reviews. Even if you're a silent reader, you're very precious to me. Thank you for giving my story a chance.

Anyway, hope you all are doing okay, this month has been exceptionally rough for me. Life seems to be testing me real hard. Writing has kept me sane.

Lots of love,

June ❤️

[31.05.2020]


	6. We Were Destined, Underdone

She sits there, mystified, her heart running wild like it can no longer be contained by the small cage of bones inside her chest; trying to assimilate the news. The more she delves into it, the more sense it makes. The indications had been there all along, the dots right in front of her eyes, she just never attempted to connect them. Because she never anticipated, not in her wildest dreams. Not once.

For her sole night with Sasuke to bestow its blessing upon her fortune.

"It's your husband's, am I right?" her mentor asks in a soft voice.

Sakura nods, the world forgotten.

_My husband's child._

_My lord's child. In my womb..._

There once was a time, years ago, when the very idea used to appall her, send shudders down her spine. And today, when it finally materialises, she finds herself inundated. With beatitude.

_A child._

_The fruit of our union._

_A new life I created with him._

Like so many times before, her mind once again takes a plunge into the depths of memories from that night. That one most indelible night of her life. The way he had held her close, their skin kissing each other, his fingers igniting her, his insatiable lips drinking from her mouth, their bodies joined in the most intimate way bodily possible. She had felt loved. It wasn't of importance, she decided long ago, whether he truly loved her or not. She had felt loved. He had asked for her consent first, didn't violently claim her, exercising his husbandly rights like she had once feared. That night spent in his arms was the happiest moments of her life.

It was.

Because right now, right in this moment, the sheer bliss overwhelming her goes way beyond.

Tears spill out of her big jade eyes, flooding her cheeks.

"Sakura?"

"I'm happy," she wipes the trail of wetness with the back of her palm, to assure her master, who sounds somewhat alarmed, "I'm… so happy."

Her dream, the dream she had had to relinquish once she left her beloved husband behind, she suddenly finds it standing right in front of her, no longer beyond reach.

_I'm going to be a mother._

_A mother._

The tears overflow once again. And as she lifts her hand to mop it away, Tsunade pulls her to herself. Wrapping her in her arms.

"I'm here," she whispers into her ear in a voice that reminds Sakura of a motherly love unknown to herself, "I will be here."

She embraces her back, taking comfort in her genial warmth.

.

.

.

Sakura lies awake, head on the pillow, eyes on the painting on the wall, the dimmed out lamp burning in one corner of the room, emitting a dull glow.

Her hand travels down to her abdomen once again. Resting there protectively.

_A child…_

Tsunade did ask her to wait two more weeks. To be absolutely certain. However, there is no doubt in Sakura's mind that she is with child. A delicate nascent life, reliant on her for everything. A life yet non-existent to the rest of the world. Her little secret treasure.

This time next year, she would be holding that child in her arms.

Her child. And Sasuke's.

She recalls all the sleepless tear-strained nights. When she questioned the gods why they had be so cruel to her. Stripping her of all her bonds with him.

She recalls that fateful morning, the raging water and the bellowing wind. How it had claimed her wedding jacket, the last token of her husband. Little did she know that he had left her with another souvenir, under her heart.

There can never be a more definite testament of the time she spent by his side. She recalls her mother's words prior to her marriage.

"Bear him children..."

And like a comet, appearing unannounced on the horizon, a thought flashes into her mind.

_With this, I can go back to him, can't I?_

_He will take me back, he will take me back because I am carrying his child. _

Things have changed now. She is no longer an enemy clan's daughter. She is the mother of his future child. She carries the next Uchiha descendant.

_They cannot throw me away now._

_He will be so happy, to know he's going to be a father._

And maybe, maybe like her mother once said, this time he will warm up to her as well? Not out of love but out of gratitude...

.

.

.

"I am with child."

The rice never reaches Kakashi's mouth, or Shizune's hand the fish.

"Wh-what?" the black haired woman is the first one to find words.

"I," Sakura straightens her back, meeting her gaze with confidence, "I am carrying my former husband's child."

"You can just call him your husband. Not that anyone here is going to criticise you," Tsunade continues eating, like it's not even a matter of importance.

"You were aware?" Shizune turns to her master.

"Before she was. But then again, I have been doing this for longer than she has been alive." She takes a sip from the small cup. The liquor not leaving her side even at the breakfast table.

"Are you happy about it?" Kakashi finally asks her.

"Yes, of course!" Sakura smiles, a genuine smile emerging from her core, making her bright green eyes shine brighter, "I have never been happier in my life."

"Hmm," he nods, "I am happy for you."

"Thank you, Kakashi."

"I cannot believe you kept it from us!" Shizune shakes her head.

"We wanted be certain. And..." the blonde woman's eyes turn to her youngest apprentice, "Sakura needed the time. There's a lot for her to deliberate. I'm sure you understand what I am talking about."

At that, a deafening silence consumes the table.

"I am not informing him."

Sakura keeps her head down as she makes the announcement, the chopsticks in her hand playing with the rice. Inappropriate table manners, her mother had taught her as a child.

"What?"

"My... husband. I decided not to send word to him."

She looks up and answers Shizune with a smile, trying her best to sound resolute. However, her voice cracks.

No-one speaks another word. They sit there unmoving like a painting on the wall.

"When I found out... I was elated. To carry the child of the person I love, I have never felt so blessed in my life. I wanted to share this joyous news with him. I pictured him, the look on his face as he heard of his impending fatherhood, the greatest of all gifts. And _I_ am the one to proffer it to him. I thought, I thought if I return to him now, he will take me back. Because... how can he not? How can he turn his face away from the woman who is carrying his child?"

Tears escape her big sad eyes, dropping onto the table.

"But... Then I realised what an evil desire that was. I was scheming to use my child for my own gain, for my own gratification. Such a selfish and vicious thing to do. That's _not_ the kind of mother I want to be. Never," she shakes her head as if to protest.

"Sakura..." Shizune places an arm on her back, tender and reassuring.

"And... Things most likely won't go as smoothly."

"What do you mean?"

"I have been gone for nearly four months. If I go back now, claiming to carry his child, they won't just take my word for it. They never trusted me in the first place. I'm not talking about my husband. However, he is a clan leader, he cannot act on his own. He has a council he must abide by. And in there, I don't have an ally, not a single one. Anything they decide upon, won't ever be in my favour."

"But... if you think your husband would believe you-"

"He would. He..." she smiles bitterly, "However, it's more complicated than that. Even if they believed me, it's more likely that the child will be taken away from me than they will accept _me_ back. They wouldn't want their clan's heir to be raised by an outsider like me. They will tear my child from my arms and give it to their new lady. His new consort. The same woman whom my husband calls his wife, my child will call her mother. I cannot take it. I cannot," suddenly overwhelmed, her voice chokes.

"Breathe in, Sakura. It's okay," Shizune speaks, gently stroking her back.

"I'm tired. I'm so tired of all this. This lust for power, relentless opportunism, where status comes before lives, where people are treated like pawns, it drives me insane when I think of it. Since I left it all behind, yes I miss my husband, most ardently. However, I have known freedom like never before. All the weights got lifted off of my shoulders. I can live life the way I want, with however limited resources. And that's the life I want to give to my child. I want my child to grow up feeling loved, not used. That's why, I have made up my mind. I won't be going back. I will be here, I will give birth and raise my child. Like a normal mother raises her kid. I will be a mother first and push my own heartbreak aside."

Kakashi and Shizune exchange looks at her words. While Tsunade's honey coloured eyes never leave the young would be mother.

"I know it's wrong. But... he will have children again, with someone else. For him, it doesn't have to be me. More likely he will be happy if it is someone from his own clan. But I will never have another child, because to me it's no-one else but him. I know, I know it's foolish of me, since my marriage to him was merely a political contract, but what can I do if I fell in love with him?"

"If only we could have a say in who we fall for. Life would be so easy, wouldn't it?" there's a tone of sarcasm in Tsunade's voice as she speaks. "I was twenty five when he passed away. So many years and there still hasn't been a day I haven't missed him."

"Lady Tsunade!"

"You will learn to live with it. You will find other things to keep yourself occupied. You will survive. And you _will_ find happiness. It just won't be the same happiness you had envisioned in your dreams."

* * *

He recalls the meeting from earlier.

"What would become of the clan?"

The question had exasperated him because it was justified.

"If my lord is so against taking another wife, then maybe he could consider producing an heir outside wedlock? I am certain there will be many fine young women who would feel honoured to be able to serve my lord. Of course a legitimate child from a lawfully wedded wife is what's most desirable. However, taking the current circumstances into consideration, we could-"

He hadn't stayed to listen the rest. Having stormed out of the council room.

_How could they say that?_

Peeved, he gets up from the bed. Slowly walking to the door to Sakura's study, he parts it slightly. Just making enough space for himself to slip in. As if afraid the outer world will barge in and contaminate her inviolable memories. His heart squeezes in pain as he sees the wooden shelves lining the room. He takes one book in his hand and turns the pages. He spots little scribbles in black ink, in her handwriting. He traces his finger over it, his eyes starting to burn.

He recalls the look of disbelief on her face from the time he had asked her to make him a listing of all the books she wanted. She had stayed up all night, and so had he on their bed, without her knowledge. In the morning, when she had handed him the paper, just three names on it, he was surprised.

"Is that... all?"

"Y-yes?' she had nodded. Swallowing hard.

"You stayed up all night to put only three names on it?"

"I-" she had smiled nervously, not daring to meet his gaze, "I spent the night cutting my unending list down to this three."

"May I see _that_ list?"

She had handed him a long piece of crumpled paper, covered with black scribbles on both sides, all names of medical books.

A week later, she had her own small library installed. With a reading table and lamps and quills and ink and everything.

_I tried._

_I tried in my own way. Maybe I wasn't the best at it, but how could you not see?_

_I... stood up against the council when they wanted to have you executed. I would have stood up against them when they brought up the marriage annulment, I would have. But..._

"I accept the council's verdict. I will comply with the annulment procedure."

Her words ring in his ears till this very day. The look of indifference on her face as she had uttered those words haunt him.

_Did you think of me during your last moments?_

_Did you forgive me? Or did you curse me with your life?_

_If there is something like a next life, would you give me another chance? Would you be mine again? I promise I'll do better, I..._

He walks away, putting the book back in it's spot. Moving the luscious silk curtain, he opens the window. The night is cool and soothing. The breeze caressing his skin. The sky is cloudless, allowing the habitats of the land the view of the stars. He remembers the tales his mother used to read to him when he was a young boy. Of how one becomes a star after their death. And back then, he believed her. Later, growing up, he has laughed at his own ignorance. However, today as an adult he once again finds himself believing those made up tales. This time not out of naiveté, but out of choice. Willfully turning a blind eye to reason and rationality. Because it eases the pain in his heart.

He searches the sky. And it also brings back memories of his mother. And his father. Their unfortunate demise. What was supposed to be an auspicious event had turned into ash in his mouth. He was beyond shaken. His parents had fought battles and returned alive. For them to be gone in an accident like that. The shock was utmost. And there was pain. Also, there was guilt.

_They had gone there for my sake. If it wasn't for me..._

He still recalls the whispering voices, chanting how it was all the goddess' way of showing her disapproval of him.

And yet, as the next heir, he had to assume the role of the clan's leader. Barely seventeen years of age. He was terrified. Fear, dubiety like he had never known before assaulting him from every corner. But with his brother's support, he stood up.

And decided to prove his worth, to shut away all those chatters for ever. That was all he wanted.

And now he stands here. With that dream obtained. There is not one person who dares to question him anymore. The people got their land, their glory back. There has been peace, prosperity like never before. He should feel proud, triumphant. But here he is, lamenting. Because she came into his life and left. Toying with it so effortlessly and now nothing is the same anymore.

_Maybe I'll get used to this as well._

_I've long learnt to live with scars._

* * *

"It feels so surreal, doesn't it?" the blonde girl asks, pulling the blanket close, her azure eyes radiating happiness, "To think we're creating new life in ourselves."

"Ummm," Sakura nods, a smile on her face.

"I'm so happy I have you with me on this journey, Sakura. Even after our children are here, we will experience this together.

Sakura just smiles, lovingly touching her little bump that is starting to show now that she's at five months.

"Say, Sakura, what happened to your husband?"

She keeps silent for a few moments. Preparing herself. "Our marriage got annulled."

"What? Since when can you annul a marriage? It's a bond for all life."

Sakura smiles, a melancholic smile, "Maybe because my marriage was not really a marriage."

Ino's eyebrows draw together, "What is that supposed to mean?"

"It was merely to secure a political treaty. Once that treaty was broken, there was no need for the marriage anymore."

"Political treaty? Are you..." her blue eyes go wide in surprise, "A lady from some big clan?"

"I was," Sakura chuckles, "Born into one and married off to another. But it's all in the past now. I've left all that behind. Now I'm merely a commoner. Just like you."

The other girl cannot find words immediately. The new revelation somewhat too big for her. The two of them remain seated in silence.

Then there's a soft sound, of the gate opening. Followed by the noise of footsteps on the floor before Sai's face appears at the door, "Oh? Sakura is here?"

"hmm," Ino nods, "You left me all alone, so I called her."

"But..." he looks dumbfounded at the accusation, "Ino, I had to go to the market. Otherwise we'd-"

His words are cut short by his wife's laugh, "I know, I know. I'm only joking. I didn't call her. She came on her own. To give me this blanket she sewed for our baby. See?" Ino holds up the little purple blanket from her lap, "It's so soft and warm. Our baby will love it."

"That's so thoughtful of you, Sakura."

"I'm glad you like it. Your baby will be born in this winter. If you need something else, don't hesitate to ask me. I have a lot of time in my hands. Now that I am pregnant, lady Tsunade doesn't let me do heavy tasks. Once the baby is here, your hands will be full."

"To think I will be a mother in just two weeks, it feels so overwhelming," Ino smiles nervously. "It makes me feel unprepared all of a sudden."

"You are not alone in this," Sai walks to his wife. Sitting down beside her, hand on her stomach where their baby is nurturing, "I will be with you. We will do this together."

Sakura watches them from the other side of the table. Holding her breath.

"By the way," Sai suddenly grabs the bag once again, "Look what I brought you."

"Eh? A northern orange?" Ino's eyes go wide at the side of the fresh, juicy fruit, "But you said they don't have those in the market yet?"

"They don't. Today I went to the floating market at the river. Some sellers from the north come there. They didn't have many and was asking for a high price but when I told them that my pregnant wife was craving them, they gave it to me for a lower price. I don't understand why people detest the northerners here. They aren't bad."

"You went there for me?"

"Of course. Would you like to have one now? I'll wash it for you."

"Thank you."

Sai turns to Sakura, "Sakura, I'll wash one for you too."

"Huh?" It catches her off guard, "N-no. No."

She shakes her head vehemently. A lump forming in her throat.

"Why not? These oranges are very delicious. We don't have such fine oranges in the south."

"I- I don't like oranges," she manages to smile somehow, even though she feels like crying, "I should go back now, Ino. Now that Sai is here, you aren't alone anymore."

She hurries out of the room and back to Tsunade's place.

.

.

.

She opens her eyes, the soft light of the morning percolating through the open window. It's winter already, cold has claimed its dominion. However, today it feels much warmer, gentler. She gets up, a hand carefully pressed on her abdomen. That is when the door parts, letting even more of the melted gold like light inside, and there's a silhouette, a familiar silhouette, a shadow against the morning light.

For a moment, she can't trust her eyes.

"M-My lord?" she asks, dumbfounded, her voice quivering, heart thumping hard.

He steps in, and she can finally see his face. Painstakingly handsome, well-defined features, sharp bone structure, thin lips and charcoal eyes. He walks to her with a fuming bowl in his hand. He smiles, a kind and gentle smile she remembers from the night she spent with him before leaving him forever. He smiles and asks in a soft voice, "You're awake?"

"W-why are you here?" she finds herself unable to form thoughts.

"Of course I will be here. How can I not be when you're carrying my child?" he walks up to her and sits down, laying the bowl in front of her, "Have this soup. It's healthy and will warm you up."

She blinks, looking up at him. Slowly her vision gets blurrier.

"What happened, my lady?" she feels his warm touch on her cheek as he wipes the tears away. She puts her arms around him, hiding her face in his heart as she cries.

"M-my lady?" for a while he remains frozen in his spot, then slowly he embraces her, a hand resting on top of her head as he gently strokes her hair.

"H-how did you find out?"

"Your mentor, lady Tsunade sent me word."

_Even though I asked her not to._

But how can she loather her for going against her will when he is here, holding her like this, tending to her like he really cares about her?

"I'm so happy, my lady. I cannot thank you enough."

Not knowing how to respond to that, she just tightens her grip around him. Pressing her head tighter against his beating heart.

"Aren't you mad at me, my lord?"

"What for?"

"For... leaving like that..." her words fade away.

"Mad, I am not," he sighs as he pulls himself away from her, holding her shoulders, looking her in the eye with a sadness overshadowing his face, "I understand why you made that decision. But I was saddened. I... wish you had opened up to me about everything. I wish I could have been there for you."

"You would have been there for me had I told you?"

"Of course. I am your husband."

She keeps silent for a moment.

"My lord?"

"Yes?"

"Will you... forgive me?"

"For what?"

"For leaving you."

"I never held it against you. There is nothing to forgive."

Her eyes widen. And he smiles.

"I'm glad I found you again. We cannot change the past, so there is no point delving in it."

He embraces her again. And she does too. They hold on to each other like they are the only beings in this world.

Then...

Slowly the warmth fades away...

She opens her eyes. The hazy light of the early morning invading her room, she feels cold and pulls the blanket closer. Her eyes search the room. Only to be greeted with emptiness.

_Dream?_

_It was a dream?_

Two drops of tears spill from her green eyes. The sudden wave of loneliness hitting her hard , she curls into herself, arms wrapped around her abdomen.

_Will you forgive me, my baby?_

_Your father is a kind man. No matter what people say, I know._

She recalls his smile once again. The smile she had started to believe was waning away from her memory until the dream plunged deep inside her soul and brought it back to the surface, thrusting it at her face.

_He is kind. He... Had he known, he would be here._

_Yes, he would._

_He would be here for us. You and me._

_He would love you so much. So, so much._

_But... Please don't detest me for doing this. You are all I have. I promise to give you all the love in the world. I promise._

The room feels empty, the loneliness pummeling her from all directions. She gets up, slowly, carefully. The small blanket thrown loosely over her shoulders and walks to the door.

The morning light greets her on the other side. Not too strong, with a thin layer of mist turning the surroundings hazy. She walks out to the porch. To find the figure of a man seated there.

"Kakashi?"

He turns around, droopy eyes on her.

"You're up so early?"

"Umm," she nods and walks to his side, preparing to sit down. Kakashi gets up, lending her a hand so that she can lower herself comfortably.

"Thank you."

"It's cold," Sakura pulls the blanket closer and rubs her palms together.

"Would you like some hot tea?"

"I'd love some."

"Wait a while," the man gets up and heads towards the kitchen. His stick raising a clicking noise against the wooden floor.

Sakura sits there, watching the garden. Sunlight glistening on the dew on the grasses and birds chirping in the trees. The air feels fresher, she breathes. Allowing her lungs the new energy of the morning.

_Another new day..._

New day after new day. Another new day. Time has been passing, like it always does. And like a miracle, it has been healing her. The helplessness, the hopelessness she used to feel has calmed down to some extent.

_Or maybe... It isn't healing me. I'm just getting used to the pain._

She sighs.

Kakashi appears after a while. Two fuming bowls on a wooden tray.

"Nothing better than hot tea on a winter morning while enjoying the sun," he sets the tray between the two of them as he sits down.

"The sun is barely up."

"It will be up soon."

"is that why you were sitting here?" she picks up a bowl. Wrapping it in her palms, letting the heat comfort her.

"Hmm," he picks the other one and takes a sip.

For a while, they just sit in silence, enjoying the tea as the sun goes up and up in the sky. Pouring in golden light.

"I... had a dream," Sakura whispers all of sudden, breaking the silence.

"Hm?"

"That's why I was up so early."

He watches her for a few moments before returning his gaze back to the garden. "About him?"

She doesn't ask him how he knows.

"I went to Ino's house yesterday. Seeing him and Sai..." she pulls the blanket closer.

"It doesn't come as a surprise that you're having dreams about the man whose child you're carrying."

"I..." her voice drops, "A part of me wants to do it. To send word to him. Because... I miss him so much. So, so much. My heart cannot take it anymore." She sighs. "But if I do that, there would be no turning back. And... as much as I wish I could have him at my side, I do not think it wise to risk what I have for what I could have. At least I have this child. What if by being greedy I lose it? I won't be able to live."

The man beside her just listens quietly.

"And yet, there is a part of me that disapproves of my action. Gnawing at my conscience, telling me I'm doing him wrong. If he found out someday..."

"If it was me, I would be upset. If I had fathered a child and the mother never deemed it necessary to let me know," Kakashi tilts his head a little as he takes a small sip, "I wouldn't blame him if he comes to despise you."

"Then-"

"However," he turns to the girl, "This child is yours too. Doesn't a mother's rights come first? After all, you are the one carrying it. You will be the one to risk your life bringing it into this world. You will nurse it, nurture it. Shouldn't it be okay for you to put yourself first?"

She looks at him wide-eyed, "Are you saying it's alright to not let him know?"

"No," he shakes his head, "I'm not saying it's right. I'm saying taking your circumstances into consideration, this is the lesser of two evils for you."

He puts the empty porcelain bowl back on the tray.

"How do I explain this... I've lived a little longer than you. Life is your best teacher. And of the many lessons it has taught me, one was that making choices is not as easy as we are taught to believe as children. Do the right thing, don't do the wrong thing. Sounds so easy, doesn't it? But in life, things don't come unmixed like that. It's all in grey. Not black and white. You have to weigh all the consequences of both sides and then make a choice that suits you the best. I say this because people are different. For example, you. If a time comes when you need to take a person's life. Will you be able to do it?"

"I-" she finds herself unable to provide an answer to the sudden question.

"I don't believe you will. And," he leans back, palms pressing against the floor, "Even if you could, it would haunt you for the rest of your life. You won't ever be able to forgive yourself."

She falls silent.

"Now, look at me. I have taken many lives. Way more than your husband. And yet, I live with it. Because in my mind, it was justified. It was needed. And if I had to do it again, I won't hesitate. Maybe from your point of view, it is wrong. But I can live with it, hence I was able to make that choice. In this world, there are people who commit crimes. We detest them, look down upon them. But to them, they decided they could live with it. Just because something will make you feel guilty doesn't mean everyone in this world will feel the same way. The more you try to understand people, the more astounding it gets."

Sakura sits in silence, hands on her lap.

"And sometimes, no matter what choice you make, you will always keep wondering what could have been had you gone for the other one. It just works that way."

"What are you implying?"

"That it's okay to make a choice that seems unjust to others. It's okay to make a choice and still have second thoughts about it from time to time. You don't have to blame yourself."

"Kakashi-" tears glisten in the corner of her eyes.

"You're going to be a mother. You will have to be strong. Stronger than other mothers because you will be raising your child by yourself. Have faith in yourself. Make the choices best for you and your child and hold onto them. You have a long way to go, Sakura. Long long way. Both for yourself and my grandchild."

She laughs out loud.

"Didn't know you were so eager to be a grandfather in your thirties."

"For a warrior to live to be thirty is a miracle. Especially one like me who has been frequenting battlefields since he was a boy. And lady Tsunade says my leg is showing improvement and I can have hope. If it truly works, I am not expecting anything, but _if_ it does, maybe I will return to the battlefield. Therefore, I'm trying to secure a grandchild while I can," he smiles. "Don't you approve?"

Sakura nods, loosening the blanket now that the warm sunlight is kissing her skin, its soothing touch calming her nerves, "I won't be alive today if not for you. You, lady Tsunade and Shizune. The three of you have been more of a family to me than anyone else I have ever known. I will be elated."

She smiles, glowing in the morning light. Her hand lovingly caressing the growing bump.

* * *

"My lord?"

Sasuke lifts his face from the stack of papers on the table, the yellow light of the oil lamp glowing in his ebony eyes, "What do you want?"

The attendant bows his head, "The captain of the guard is asking for permission to see my lord."

_At this hour?_

A frown appears on his forehead.

"Let him in."

A young man walks in through the door a few moments later. Clad in his black armour, head protector in hand. His baldric vacant. For stepping inside the residential quarters with weapons is forbidden. He bows respectfully.

"Forgive my late intrusion, my lord."

"What is the matter?"

"There's a messenger, from the Land of Wind. He's asking for an audience with my lord. "

"At this hour?"

"Yes, my lord. We asked him to wait until tomorrow, but he insists it's urgent business. Says he has words from Uzumaki Naruto himself."

The frown on his forehead deepens. Uzumaki Naruto, the leader of the Uzumaki clan. Tracing back the history of the two clan's origin, they were once confederates. However, past the founders, there has not been another alliance between the two. Centuries have passed like that. Neither has ever attempted to strike the other, honouring the sworn brotherhood of the founders. Therefore, the sudden unanticipated information throws him out of balance for a moment.

But he gathers himself soon and grabs the woolen robe from the back of the chair.

"Permission granted. Lead him to the court room."

"Understood, my lord," the man bows his head one last time before exiting the room hastily.

.

.

.

The man stands in silence. His disheveled appearance a testament of the long journey he has made, strands of black hair escaping the high ponytail, dark patches under his eyes. However, his attentive gaze remain on the Uchiha clan leader seated in front of him. Scanning through the writings on the thick scroll. His expression hardens visibly.

"You are Nara Shikamaru?" Sasuke's deep voice reverberates in the empty court room.

"Yes, I am the advisor of the Uzumaki clan leader, Uzumaki Naruto."

The Uzumakis, unlike the Uchihas have been less orthodox. Accepting outsiders into the clan, and allowing them to continue with their family names. Sasuke thinks for a moment that had they been able to do that, things might have been different today.

However, the very next moment, he returns his attention back to the matter at hand.

"I have heard of you. Your intellect. For him to send you..."

"It's because the situation is grave. Our informant only found out recently. They have been using the sea routes. Thus, successfully keeping us in the dark so far."

Sasuke clenches his jaw. Eyes measuring the man in front of him.

"Sasuke?" another voice appears at the door, a touch of concern there, "What's the matter? At this hour...?"

Itachi's inquisitive eyes study the man as he steps into the room.

"Here," Sasuke sits up from his seat, holding the scroll in front of his brother.

Itachi moves closer to the burning torch as he accepts the letter.

"This is..."

"I know."

"If this is true..."

"It is," Shikamaru intervenes, "Naruto confirmed before sending me here."

"In that case, we have to move soon."

"Nara Shikamaru," Sasuke turns to him, "For the night, take shelter in out guests' quarter. You will have my reply at daybreak tomorrow."

"As you wish," the man bows his head slightly.

"Tamaru!" Itachi calls out for the attendant waiting outside.

"Yes, my lord," the man replies meekly from the door.

"Please lead Land of Wind's envoy to the guests' quarter. He will be spending the night there. Make sure he is in comfort."

"Understood, my lord," the man bows his head to Itachi, then to Sasuke. Before turning to Shikamaru. "If you would kindly follow after me."

"I will take my leave then."

With the two men gone, the brothers are the only ones left in the semi-lit hall.

"Sasuke-"

"Contact our informants. Ask them to reconnoitre. We have to be certain."

"Understood. And I will also send word to Shisui and Obito. It is in our best interests that we stay alert."

"Yes, and deploy more men at the borders."

"This never ends, does it?"

"I hurt their pride."

"We must move in silence. We are not the only ones with intelligencers in other lands."

"I always had a premonition that this peace won't last forever. Never anticipated for it to be over so soon."

A sigh escapes Sasuke. Itachi moves closer to his brother. Resting a hand on his shoulder. Offering his silent assurance.

* * *

**Note: **Chapter name is from **_Golden Love_** by _**Midnight Youth**_.

60% of this story is Kakashi and Sakura talking LMAO.

Since some of you asked, yes the baby will be Sarada because she is my cutest little bean I wish I could squish her chubby cheeks. And reader _jen1490_ was worrying if Sasuke will find someone else. No. In all my fics, the only people I'll ever let them be with is each other. That's how we roll in this house.

Thank you so so so much for your reviews. You guys have been so kind to me. I was having a very hard time, I mean mental health things. And when I was at my lowest, what gave me the strength to go on was the idea that I have unfinished stories people are waiting to read . It sounds exaggerated but it's not. It's always small things, the smallest of things that trigger big things. Therefore, thank you.

It's been a while, I hope you all are in good health. Both physically and mentally.

Lots of love,

June ❤️

[29.08.2020]


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